I intentionally hit a car on Friday night

And I don’t regret it one bit.

OK, maybe a little bit - my fist was sore for a few hours, but that has subsided. It started out with a simple trip to Target, the one in the area with underground parking, after an absolutely hellacious day at work. Whilst there I found that they had a cheap 10" Amazon fire tablet on sale for less than $100 and decided to grab one.

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Not surprisingly, they were out of stock. The clerk checked inventory and found that a store about 5 miles down the road had 10 in stock, so I headed over there. The weather was horrid, the first time I’ve had to use my wipers on full speed in ages. I got to that store and they had a total of (wait for it) none. It said they had several, so he was going to check in back, but in the process of going to the back he got stopped by someone else and spent 15 minutes helping them when he already had a paying customer, me, waiting for him.

When he came back and informed me that despite what his inventory system said he had zero in stock, I told him that I wanted him to locate one at a local store and have it waiting for me up front at guest services so that I didn’t have to go all the way to the back of the store yet again. I had already bought towels, undershirts, Hot Wheels and some other things at two different stores and I really didn’t feel like marching to the back of yet another Target store and he fully understood. Two stores that allegedly had stock repeatedly hung up on him, but a third store, one that actually bothered to answer their phone, said they had plenty, and that they would “try” to get the unit up to guest services.

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I drove down to that store, got to guest services and discovered that they had brought up the 8" version, not the 10" as I had specifically requested. Back to the back of the store yet again only to find that no, they didn’t have any 10" versions in stock. Surprise, surprise. Lots of apologies, more phone calls. They locate a store just a few miles from where I was hours ago that had two but no, they wouldn’t hold it for me since it’s a popular item. Excuse me? If it’s so damn popular you’ll have no problem selling it the next day if I don’t bother to show up, which at this point is highly unlikely because I now have a lot of time invested in this and refuse to give up (although in retrospect I probably should have quit in order to preserve what little sanity I had left).

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Another long drive, to another far end of the county close to where I was a few hours prior. I take a wrong turn and end up driving several miles on a two-lane, unlighted back road in rain that is getting even worse. I walk towards the front of the store, through the clearly marked and posted crosswalk with its slick painted stripes, and some dimwit in his older CUV keeps driving towards me inside of the crosswalk, dangerously edging closer and closer with each step. I am already seriously pissed off from this whole debacle, and this fucktard is going to pressure me to run in the rain whilst I am crossing legally in a designated crosswalk? Oh, hell no. I stop right in front of him, stare at the stupid little waste of sperm and then try to put my fist through his hood, continuing on to the back of the store to get my damn tablet, looking like I was lost at sea for a few months without a lifeboat.

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I wait for some chump to figure out how his ATM card works (three attempts before he gets it right, but I think we’ve all been there) and make my purchase. I asked the clerk if he, Brian, was the one that refused to send the item to guest services, and when he proudly replied in the affirmative, I gave him a scathing “Fuck you very much, Brian”, and proceeded to march out of the store leaving a trail of water behind me, secretly wishing I was a dog so that I could do that rapid twist and shake to dry myself off as I was soaked to the core.

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I did make a wrong turn leaving the parking lot, and instead of trying to find somewhere to turn around on this dark and rainy night I just kept going, knowing that in another ten or fifteen miles I would find a freeway that would get me home. At first I programmed the GPS to take me to my landlord’s house so I could drop off the rent check since I was already out in nowheresville, but after some time and knowing I had to get to the pharmacy before they closed (another seriously annoying thing that day that took multiple phone calls over several hours between me, my doctor’s office and the pharmacy to finally resolve) I just said “fuck it” and kept on going.

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So, Oppo, how was your Friday night?

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