My boss, who is great in many ways, is an extremely picky eater. So much so that I’ve witnessed her send back a well done burger (with only mayo and cheese and no other toppings) because she noticed the faintest wisp of what might have been pink in the middle. But we share a love of all things Cheeto. Well, except for one.


Crunchy Cheetos are one of my all-time favorite junk foods. For me, it’s not even so much about the cheez flavor as it is about that perfectly dense crispity crunchity texture. I’ve tried for a long time to find an acceptable dairy-free crunchy Cheeto substitute, and while there are many vegan Cheeto-like snacks on the market, I’ve yet to find one that fully replicates that amazing crunchy Cheeto texture. Which means I keep trying new and different vegan Cheeto-like objects from the hippie friendly market.

There happens to be a location of the hippie friendly market right by my office, but since it’s not my main grocery store, I somewhat frequently pop over there to grab a few items on my list that are specific to the hippie market, and bring them up to my office fridge until I go home in the evening. While I’m there, I peruse the plentiful selection of vegan Cheeto impersonations, and often end up buying some new kind to try.

Today, I found Vegan Rob’s Dragon Puffs (With Probiotics!) that are basically like a spicy poofy Cheeto, but with a sort of bbq potato chip flavor to start with before they transition into spiciness. Unlike some other vegan Cheeto substitutes, these are a snack that, if put out in a bowl at a party, any junk food enthusiast would enjoy, without knowing their hippie friendly nature.

So, I walked into my boss’s office with the bag with a smile and asked if she wanted to try them.


No, no she did not. Her only response was,

“Where do you keep finding all these different not-Cheetos things?”

One day boss, I will find a vegan Cheeto you’ll actually eat. Just you wait!

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