I accept that I’ve made mistakes in my life. These mistakes range in severity from what I assume to be not so bad to absolutely horrible. Regardless, I accept that I’m human and am not perfect.
Life also isn’t perfect. Just because you invest so much of anything into something or someone doesn’t mean it is meant to be. Part of being an adult is knowing when to quit.
I’ve been living with my parents for the past two weeks. I feel safe here. My house has been a black hole that swallows my happiness for a couple months now. Every day is a game of checking the alarm system to see if it’s been set on fire, worrying that someone is going to rob me, or maybe tonight’s the night I get murdered. I hate coming home to my own house, I hate literally everything about that stupid pile of wood and brick.
I’ve also come to a realization: This isn’t my dream house. My dream house is either a retired trijet airliner or a glass and steel warehouse for my cars with a bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen.
Some good things have happened, both of my tenants are gone. My house is now empty.
Not so fast... *Sigh* So the first evicted tenant (the drug dealer), the neighbour, and the neighbour’s boyfriend harassed my parents today. The drug dealer started it by getting out a lawn chair and eating popcorn while laughing as my parents talked to and hugged the newly evicted tenant.
My parents - weirded out by their audience - decided to move up the driveway. The drug dealer picked up her chair and followed. My parents moved again. Wherever my parents went, the drug dealer followed with her popcorn. Eventually, my parents just went inside the house to finish talking to the freshly evicted tenant and his mom.
Upon exiting the house, all three of them (drug dealer, neighbour, boyfriend) then started screaming at my parents, dancing, and laying on their car horns. They were literally screaming some of the worst obscenities my parents have ever heard. Nobody on our end said anything to any of them throughout the whole attack. This all happened unprovoked.
The neighbour then decided to do a “victory lap” around the neighbourhood. She got in her car, laid on the horn, tried to ram the ex tenant’s mom’s car, then peeled out down the street while fist bumping (still on the horn).
The police? Ha they’re quite useless. Courts? Even more so. I’m literally on my own.
I’m faced with a challenge. The mortgage is going to go up with the refi. I’m not going to want to pay for a giant house in which I live by myself. I don’t want roommates either...I just, I just can’t do it after all of this. I need to be by myself.
Naturally, my parents don’t want this to happen. Me moving out means my brother moves in. With him comes a wife, three kids, and two very destructive dogs.
My parents say I should stand my ground and don’t let assholes run me out of my house. While true, I just don’t want the house anymore. I don’t feel safe, I don’t want to rely on roommates so I can have financial freedom. I don’t like a daily reminder that I fucked up.
I fucked up, I admit that. Do I deserve what’s happening now? I’m not sure anymore, but I do know that I want out. I want to start over someplace new, someplace I can **comfortably** afford by myself. I don’t have to sell the house but I don’t have to live there either. Heck, my mom also owns the house so I don’t even have to be the landlord.
I do need to note that I’m not depressed, I’m actually pretty happy since moving out. However, this house is driving me absolutely full of anger and equal amounts fear and anxiety.
Idk, am I crazy? Should I stick it out? Or should I do what I should have done long ago and get far away from the house?
In lighter news, my mom took me Torrid shopping on my birthday! :D