If your Ford had a Matthew McConaughey, it would be a Lincoln

I think this is the only use of these aftermarket letters that I approve of, plus bonus mildly NSFW story time below



I was at the grocery store today, in line behind this guy who like me was in his 40s. Our cashier was an older woman in her 60s. I wasn’t really paying attention to what he was buying because it was mostly unremarkable... And then I saw her pick up a little bottle that looked a little familiar. I thought it looked a little like those bottles of liquid artificial sweeteners, either that or... nope, that’s sex lube.

She scanned it, then proceeded to be completely fascinated by its existence. “Personal lubricant? I’ve never seen that before! What do you use it for?”

To his credit, this guy came up with a quick and plausible-sounding explanation to get her to move on. “It’s, uh, for chapped skin and so on.” He didn’t really stammer or anything. It sounded reasonable. She thought that was very neat, and put it in the bag.

I sincerely hope she forgot about it, because I don’t really want to think about some poor old lady rubbing Astroglide all over her hands because they are dry. Also dude, use the self-checkout for that and this kind of thing won’t happen to you.

Share This Story