"It has clutches!" "It is a manual that is automated!" "It doesn't shift gears for me, it shifts gears with me!" (Also see: "Your car is archaic!" "Do you use a typewriter?") All things I have seen looking at forums for years. If it's automated, it's auto-fucking-matic. And it's not auto-fucking-magic. It's matic. With a "t." Shifting your damn gears when you want it to. Some manufacturer should call their DCT "oxygeartronic." And you're not fucking Tsuchiya or Prost because your steering wheel has tabs on it. Oh, I see: you aren't a baby because you put your own pacifier in. Oh, you have to close the door to your automatic dishwasher so it's like hand washing? Fuck you and fuck your fancy tranny. Just fuck it all. Fuck manual transmissions, too. They're too needy like a puppy. And fuck me for being a dinosaur. You better check yourself before you wreck yourself. Fuck.

(Inevitably, someone will not take this joke. Probably most people.)