I have basically narrowed down my list of problems. I ran a lead directly from the positive on the(new) battery to the distributor. This had no noticeable effect on spark. I also confirmed that my carb has gas, as evidenced that the throttle shoots a spray of gas into the venturis.
I get pops, bangs, and these horrible squelchy noises, but no catch. In short, i have no idea what is wrong now.