Disclaimer: the following piece was thought up by me as a Kinja addict and having just finished listening to all of George Carlin's albums, I wrote this inspired piece in a quick rush. It is probably mostly about myself, it wasn't written to offend anyone. It's just something he probably would have liked to talk about if he still lived. Thanks for the seven words, George!
You ever seen a guy passing by his laptop pressing F5 just to see if a red circle shows up in the top left corner on their Kinja page? Thinking "Oooh, sh*t... I better get me some good comments." You ever seen that? I see them all the time. These guys just cannot stop thinking they are the perfect person for the job: writing funny sh*t. 'Cause that's what they think they are ought to do. They are the funniest people on Earth, they have ALL the knowledge, wisdom and mojo in the universe to make them the only people to write the only important stuff on Kinja. You ever seen that?
They post some c**ks**king photo on the web that might just be someone taking a dump in someone else's mouth and write some cornholing abbreviation next to it: WTF, LOL, NSFW, CIA, FBI - all government stuff, apparently - and I'm just sitting there thinking "WHAT THE F*CK ARE THESE PEOPLE SAYING?" No one taught them to use letters to vomit actual words on the screen? USE THE F*CKING WORDS, USE THE G****MN MOTHERF*CKING WORDS! IT'S CALLED ENGLISH, YOU MORON!
Gotta tell you, these people piss me off REEEEEEAAAAL baaaad. They go around with their laptops or the f**goty so-called smartpads, checking their e-mails, moving around some windows, clicking on the calendar to see if they are still important and just soooooo casually, looking SOOOOO CASUALLY they are pressing their F-f**king-5 to refresh their Kinja page to see if someone's worshipping them already, right? And they just keep staring to see the red glowing circle in the top left corner. They are dying to see the red circle with a big number in it, they are dying to be the commenter of the day. They actually think they are relevant. They actually think their thoughts matter to someone else.
Let me tell you this: YOUR THOUGHTS ARE TOTALLY USELESS AND S*CK D*CK LIKE YOU DO IN YOUR PASS TIME!
So here's a piece of advice to these people: Are you dying to see the red circle? GET IN THE MIDDLE OF A F**KING CROSSROADS IN DOWNTOWN BROOKLYN AND WATCH THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS! YOU'LL BE DYING TO SEE THAT SH*T COMING ON!