Never have I had such a hard time hiring people. I’m offering good pay—for a job requiring zero experience—bonuses, benefits, flexible schedules... And I’m getting nowhere. The few applicants I’ve had can’t even follow simple contact instructions.

This is an easy job. 2-6 hours a day (depending on what the employee wants) working inside on simple tasks, and gassing up vehicles. It’s an evening job, so it should be a great fit for college students or those who work full-time and want some extra cash for the holidays.

My ideal candidate? The type of person who’s deeply annoyed by untidy spaces. Someone who finds pleasure in organizing. Someone who has a great eye for detail. Someone who can follow simple directions, like “send an email with why you think you’d be a good fit for the company”. Someone with some basic fuckin’ reading comprehension, you know?

The responses I’m getting?

Texts saying something like “hi. i gud looking for job you5hire? Still xall me”.

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Last night I asked someone from Tinder if she wanted a new job. That’s where I’m at right now.

So... Anybody want to work a few hours every evening?