I've been feeling down and out lately, quite a bit depressed. Like empty inside, passionless, void; like an empty container. Just going through the daily motions. And I've been thinking way to much maybe.

It doesn't help that I'm ADD, have major depression disorder, been told I'm probably bi-polar (type 2),OCD, etc. So if I get a thought that I don't like, it cycles through my head repeatedly; breaking me down internally so I am mentally grasping for air. In other words, I'm my own worst enemy. It doesn't help that I have been feeling distant from God lately either.

Today it dawned on me that the earth is at least 5000 yrs old (young earth theory), so there have been many different ztp's before me. And there will be many ztp's after me, as life will continue once I'm gone, until the rapture and such. So, I'm literally a blink of the eye, a single grain of sand in a desert. I feel very insignificant inside. Not to mention I fear death.

So the question becomes, what have I done with my life? Have I made a significant impact on anyone? Am I proud of my personal life story so far?

So I'm driving home, thinking about all of this, and my iPod plays "Laid to Rest" by The Showdown, and I have a revelation, I am a product of my past. And it's not just my past, it's the people who have come before me as well. We are all products of our past. And our past can help define our future, our choices and decisions.


I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. There's a message in here, somewhere. It's 10:23pm and my brain has been turned on since 8am this morning. I need to turn in off. I'm going to attempt sleep.