I got pulled over today. In my work truck. My work truck with all the power that '80's Ford trucks were known for. He said it "looked like" I was going fast. I think I would need the salt flats of Bonneville and a tailwind to get to freeway speeds, and I dont have the balls to do that in this janky beat up truck.

Right after he says "How are you doing today?" He says "Oh, looks like you have a cracked windshield, and your exhaust is kinda loud, whats wrong with your seatbelt, does it work? Can I see it operate? What happened to your grill?" Literally that fast.

Yep, the windshield is cracked, its about a foot long on the passenger side, does not impede my vision. It was balls cold this winter, the crack just kinda appeared. I'm not spending $300 on a new one.

Loud exhaust? I'm not missing any of it. I still have the catalytic converter. It might be a bit rusty, and wheezy, but its all there.

The seatbelt has a frayed spot on it where it gets caught in the door every other day. Its just over an inch long, and right on the edge. Of course it fucking works, I dont have a deathwish, I drive something that qualifies for antique plates.


And I hit a pheasant 2 years ago. I'm a nice enough guy I stopped and picked up bits of shattered grill off the highway at 4AM. Why the fuck do you even care about my grill?

I explain, he asks for all the paperwork, which is good. He takes it back to his car and comes back with a fistfull of warnings, including "one taillight is brighter than the other." Its not burned out, just not as bright. Really?


I promised my wife long ago that I will not lose my shit over trivial things. (I once got fired for workplace violence. It sounds worse than it was. I was in a heated discussion with a buddy about how guy #1 is a shitbag and needs his ass beat. Guy #2 hears this, tells guy #1, and guy #1 tells HR I was making threats.)

I'm hoping the cop just had a quota to fill, and I was lucky enough to help him out. I got no fines. Actually, I didnt even get a warning for speeding. Just all the trivial shit. This is what I'm choosing to believe. Hey, I helped a cop. Outside of pointing out my trucks glaring flaws, he was polite and professional. Whole ordeal took 5 minutes.


If he pulls me over in a week and writes tickets for the shit I'm in no hurry to "fix," we will have problems. I have a lot of good karma banked up. One side of my family is lawyers, attorneys, and CPS. I'm sure I would get out of any tickets, and CPS would visit his children at school, and pay his house a visit. Nobody wins.

TL;DR - I helped a cop meet his quota today.