So take one of these (ideally in WRB) with a manual. Lift it 2-3” with slightly softer suspension. Add skid plate and small bull bar (with yellow rally lights mounted). Full WRX power train conversion. Subtle aftermarket exhaust, intake, and mild tune. Upgrade brakes maybe (idk enough about the crosstrek to know if that would be necessary). Add roof rack (with mounted spare tire and rally lights). Add trailer hitch. Add mudflaps (not the STI ones though as I don’t want people to think I’m lying about my car). Add these wheels in like a 15” with some beefy rubber on them:

As far as the interior is concerned, remove back and front seats, put recaros up front, and replace the stereo with something a little nicer.

Disclaimer: this is strictly theoretical as I start paying back student loans next month...