I have two bottles of red wine open. The first is an Italian red wine from Abruzzo. I only bought it because 1) I wanted a red wine. 2) it was $9 3) one of my grandfathers was Abruzzese.

The other is a Spanish red wine from Alicante. Alicante is a D.O., so the wine is an Alicante. I don’t know that Abrruzo is a D.O. I suspect not.

Alicante is fun to say. Abruzzo, not so much.

The Spanish wine is really very good. Its goodness makes me happy, and I shall seek to keep it stocked.

The Italian wine is kind of a disappointment. It’s not bad per se, but next to the very good Spanish wine, it seems particularly bad.

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As a result, despite both being in my house, I’m sort of ignoring the Italian wine. To be honest, I sort of resent it for costing me money. I don’t see my investment ever paying for itself.

I’m inclined to ignore the Italian wine. I don’t particularly care if it falls in with a bad crowd and develops a drug addiction. As long as it doesn’t bring its junkie friends back home to steal my valuables to pay for crack, I really don’t care. Eventually it’ll end up in jail; I won’t bail it out.

I’ve written off the Italian wine.

The Spanish wine is the wine whose future I care about. It’ll probably go to Columbia. It could have done better, but it’s a $12 wine and you takes the cards you’re dealt. There’s always med school, and at least it isn’t Cornell.

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The trajectory of both wines is pretty evident, and I don’t feel bad about ignoring the one that is clearly inferior.

Oppo parents: this what it feels like to be a parent?

Feel free to answer truthfully. The only child who will look up your comment history is the one you’ve already decided is a loser.