You’re gonna play, play to fucking win.

Does you car have nappa leather? Heat and ventilation on the front seats? Three person memory on all four seats? Power reclining rear seats? Four zone climate control, burl walnut root trim, automatic exterior and interior lights, rain sensing wipers, radar guided cruise control, 12 speaker Bose audio? Does your car forgo normal wiring in favor of using complicated fiber optics for it’s CAN-bus?

Does it power back the driver’s seat and raise the steering wheel out of your lap so your ingress and egress is easier? Do your headrests automatically extend or retract based upon the car’s assumption of your height, made from how far you have the seat moved back from the dashboard? Do your rear head rests power up upon buckling a rear seat belt? And where is your push button start? On the dashboard, like a plebian? Or is it a chrome top to your wood wrapped gear knob, like mine?

Is your suspension fully hydraulic, like a goddamn Citroen? Are your door locks actuated pneumatically? And are they run off the same air pump that runs your soft close doors? DO YOU HAVE REAR VANITY MIRRORS!?!?!? TWIN-TURBOCHARGED 5.5 LITER V-12 ENGINE!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Advertisement

The answer is, probably not!

Sorry, this is like, one of the only fights my car can throw it’s weight around in...