. . . so let’s take a stroll through the isles of the new American division of the Festival of the Unexceptional.

It’s 2050 and nostalgia for the 2000s and even the 2010s is strong. We all know not to talk about 2020 and heaven forbid you mention the Lithium Wars that devastated the world in 2029, but the economy has since bounced back. Money is pouring in, people have jobs, and wages have seen meaningful increases after the Glover Bill was passed 8 years ago today.

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Most importantly, people have money to buy the dream cars of their youth. However, this is not a normal show. The 2050 edition of the American Festival of the Unexceptional celebrates the formerly mundane turned incredibly rare cars of 2000-2020. Let’s begin.

Illustration for article titled Its 30 Years in the Future. . . (Day One Part One)
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First up, a real treat. This all original last model year 2007 Suzuki XL7 was bought new and stored in a garage after getting into a fender bender on the way home from the dealership. Since parts were so uncommon, it wasn’t until 2027 that a replacement bumper and headlight could be sourced. Now with 13,024 miles, this is a contender for best in show.

Illustration for article titled Its 30 Years in the Future. . . (Day One Part One)
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Here we have a row of Mitsubishi Raiders, including this ultra rare top spec quad cab 4wd model. The patina’d extended cab next to it is unrestored, having been commandeered during the Lithium Wars to haul used batteries to the smelting yards. It still bears the scars of this hard labor and stands as a reminder to future generations to stop hoarding consumer products.

Illustration for article titled Its 30 Years in the Future. . . (Day One Part One)
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This pristine U Body 2005 Oldsmobile Silhouette has undergone an extensive restoration and is considered the finest example left. The current owner flew all the way to Oregon from his home in Tennessee to procure the unscuffed factory wheels.

Illustration for article titled Its 30 Years in the Future. . . (Day One Part One)
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Finally, we have this 2010 Suzuki Kizashi with an interesting past. The car was bought used in 2022 and debadged by the gang of thieves that robbed Kinja headquarters and made off with $400,000 dollars in low quality content. The police were unable to capture them because no one could recognize the car they used. Finally, it turned up abandoned and its role was discovered after the perpetrators left a single Pip Bip Hour Rule behind. The car had its badging reapplied at some point but it will forever live in infamy.

If you would like more posts from the 2050 American Festival of the Unexceptional, let me know. They will be announcing the winners tomorrow and I will be sure to cover the judge’s picks for best in show. Until next time, don’t hoard lithium.

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