Dear People in semi-rural suburbs:

Biking and running is a great, healthy thing to do, and good on you for doing it.

I also applaud your desire to look death straight in the eyes when it comes for you. But please, please, follow the fucking direction of traffic.

Look, I know you think that in the event I wanted to murder you, you’d take evasive action and dodge my car. I promise you, if I wanted to run you over, that would not save you.

But here’s the thing: I am not the jogger/bicycle version of the Zodiac Killer. I actively want to avoid turning your dumb asses into a hood ornament.

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If you’re running or biking away from me, I will slow down or even stop until it’s safe to go around you in the oncoming lane. That’s a lot harder to do safely when you’re coming straight at me. Also, in the event that an accident is unavoidable and I had to choose whether to run you over or hit a car in the oncoming lane head on, try and guess which of you two is going to draw the shorter straw in that scenario.

If you’re traveling in the same direction as me and you go around a corner, I will take extra care when I go around that corner. But if you’re coming around that same corner oncoming in my lane, I don’t even know that you fucking exist, because I am not a psychic.

Also, think back to before you dropped out of middle school. Remember that question about two trains heading towards each other and what speed they were traveling? It’s like that. If I’m traveling at 25mph around a curve, and you’re traveling towards me at 10mph, then the distance between your bike and my 4,000 pound sedan is closing at 35mph. If, however, you’re following the direction of traffic, then that becomes 15mph, which makes it significantly easier to brake or avoid killing you.