I am starting to have difficulties handling problems that should be considered a “simple part of life that everyone goes through” again. When I first started taking Lexapro, I could handle problems and treat them like nothing. Now, even with a higher dosage than what I started with in January, things are starting to feel like how they were before January.

Example: yesterday I asked a girl if she liked me more than a friend, me just assuming and because I was wrong, made an ass out of myself. Of course she didn’t. If I felt like I did when I started my medication I would’ve said “whatever your loss and your missing out” or something like that. Now, it’s effectively numbed me from feeling anything else and wishing to not have an emotions or feelings anymore because part of me feels as though they are a hindrance and holding me back and that I would much rather be Vulcan than human.

I also lashed out and had what was described as a “temper tantrum” at some people. I am no good at regulating emotional outbursts. I always refrain from them and keep any problems/pain and the lot inside, but eventually if I am stressed enough it just sort of melts down and explodes like a reactor meltdown...Kinda like this

Even if I told my parents/doctor, I’m not sure they would believe me.

So that’s happening now. At least I am not wishing death upon myself this time.