While every other automaker races to abandon dying segments in North America, Kia is releasing all new generations of cars that were already at the bottom of those doomed segments to begin with. Seriously, look here!

Luxury flagship sedans are failing, now is the perfect time for an all new 2nd generation K900.

Fullsize sedans are dead. Perfect time for an all new generation of Cadenza!

Subcompact cars don’t sell. Next generation Rio is here!

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You know what is selling? Crossovers and SUVs!!

Say no more. Completely new FWD-only tiny tall hatchback known as the Stonic! That’s a portmanteau of “sporty” and “tonic.” (You’ll get it later).

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Of course tonic is the resting tone of harmonic progressions which continues Kia’s musical car naming theme: Stonic, Soul (style of music), Forte (loud), Rondo (musical form), Stinger (a short musical impact), Cadenza (a freely performed solo), Quoris (chorus). Would have been nice if the Rio were named the Accent and the Optima had of been named the Sonata. Sorry, that just bothers me to no end!

Back on topic, how about the best selling subcompact crossover in America before this became a segment? Nevermind that it wasnt marketed as a crossover until two years ago, that’s not important because the FWD-only turbo toaster Kia Soul is here!

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Also, also! Hey hey hey!! And also Kia is being of having the most fuel efficienty crossover ever to have existed ever in the history of efficientiest crossovers. EVER! (Don’t check that claim). The brand new hybrid, plug-in hybrid, and upcoming electric FWD-only bigbody hatchback Kia Niro is crossover number one!!

This naming thing is still chewing on my brain flesh, kin. Kia also has a naming theme involving the letter “S.” Look at the Stonic, Soul, Sportage, Sorento, Sedona, and Stinger. It seriously sure would have been nice to have named the Optima the Sonata. Just putting that out there...again!

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Hyundai Motor Group also has a naming scheme involving Southwestern-ish cities for their utility vehicles. Think of the Tucson (Arizona), Santa Fe (New Mexico), upcoming Santa Cruz (California), old Veracruz (Mexico), Sorento (Italy but spelled wrong so maybe in Texas), Sedona (Arizona), soon arriving Telluride (Colorado).

Ok, I’m done with that little mind knat now.

Whelp, since the market doesn’t matter at Kia, can we get an afforbable sportscar?!

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“You betcha!” Here’s the all new Kia Stinger.

It’s a 5-door, near-premium long wheelbase compact muscle GT! It competes with the Toyota Camry V6, Dodge Charger, Ford Mustang, Buick Regal Sportback, Infiniti Q50, Audi A5 Sportback, BMW 6 Series Gran Coupe, and Porsche Panamera. But it is only comparable in the cases in which it wins the comparison in terms of value or performance. If the Stinger loses the comparison then you compared it to the wrong car for that comparison. If it still loses then it’s a substitute for a crossover, which is an automatic win!

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Kia product planning is a strange thing and I’m thankful for it!