I’m a deep sleeper. My wife isn’t. Sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night and reads stuff on her tablet until she goes back to sleep. Usually this doesn’t affect me in the slightest, but last night she managed to wake me up, humorously.

You may have noticed from time to time that I mention that we’re hippies in my house, and this proved to be the undoing of my blissful slumber last night.

Sometime around 4 am, but actually I have no idea when this actually happened, I woke up to the sound of some kind of music or alarm or who knows what. I, very confused and not fully awake, asked my wife what was going on. But actually I said something like UUUHHHHHH WHHHHAAAA HAAAABBUUUNNIINNNG???? 

I thought she said something like she was trying to set her alarm on her phone, and this seemed odd to me because her phone was downstairs and she had her tablet, and I didn’t know how she was going to make her phone stop making noise with her tablet, but maybe she had set some kind of Google Calendar alert that made her phone make noise and she deleted it on the tablet and that shut the phone up. I decided it was better to go to back to sleep than figure out the particulars of how exactly this noise happened.

I remained asleep until our cats decided to fuck around and make noise somewhere a little before 7, which I dealt with through a mix of ignoring them and attempting to squirt water in their general direction with the squirt bottle I keep stashed between my night stand and the bed for purposes of getting cats to quit fucking with us in our sleep.

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Once we were both awake for real, my wife explained that she had been reading some kind of oil pipeline protest thing, and she clicked a link to call her senator, which requested some information, and when she hit submit, it immediately robocalled her to have her record a voice message which would then be relayed to our senator(s). She didn’t realize at first that this was going to happen.

When I told her I remembered her saying something about her alarm on her phone, she said she never said something about her alarm on her phone, only that her phone was making the noise, and she was trying to get me to quit asking questions and go back to sleep, for my own good.

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Somehow, I made up the whole thing about the alarm, in my mind.

Anyway, that’s why I’m now polishing off my third tumbler of coffee for the day.

In other “why yes, I am a hippy” news, tonight we’re going to an info session at the library about volunteering at this farm animal sanctuary.