I need new lenses for my glasses and I was reading reviews on Yelp when I came across the worst person in the world.

Lesson 1: don’t be so starved for attention from the fairer sex that you confuse “being paid to not insult you to your face” as a sign of interest. Also, if you do, don’t announce your patheticness to all of the internet by leaving a review that consists of “a girl paid to interact with me pleasantly interacted with me pleasantly.”


Lesson 2: Don’t compare black people to cockroaches and refer to “human infestations.”


Lesson 3: Gay panic: try to avoid it.

Lesson 4: Don’t insult a goddamn institution. Also, don’t refer to Coke repeatedly as a “beverage.”


Lesson 5: Fuck off.

In summary, don’t be this guy.