So I was on 676 at the merge in the left lane. I let about three cars in front of me, since I don’t really care. There was an XTS-V next to me, so I beep to let the guy know that there’s actually a car next to him. Apparently he clipped my mirror with either his door or the front quarter panel, I didn’t really know it at the time.

Old white guy in his sixties, bad dye job (the sort that in movies will run down your face if you start sweating). He starts shouting “cock sucker, you want to fight mother fucker? I’ll kick the shit out of you mother fucker let’s go. Pull over mother fucker.” Which I obviously ignored, because my mother didn’t drink when she was pregnant with me.

He’s doing it across the Ben Franklin bridge. We get down onto Admiral Wilson Boulevard and he’s swerving between lanes, break checking, so on. So I call the police and report an erratic driver, but said I don’t really care to file an incident report.

So we’re driving along for another few miles and at this light, he gets out of his car and starts shouting. So I’m like, yeahhh... okay chief. And pull around him and drive off. So he starts following me and I call the police. I’m on the phone with the dispatcher and I think he figures out what’s going on, so he goes to turn off on a side road. Exceeeeeept there just happened to be two police stopped on the side there, and I say that to the dispatcher. So I hear the dispatcher going “Who’s on [such and such road], there’s a black Cadillac on the jug handle, pull it over” and they pull out sirens blasting and pull the guy over.

I stay on the line with the dispatcher who has a officer sent out to me. Since this technically happened in two local cities, I had to give a report to two different sets. At one point there were five black and whites and eight police officers with me in this parking lot. To their credit, they were all super nice. That’s when they point out the mirror and said there’s corresponding damage on that guy’s car. They said since this happened in Philly, he’d have to make a report there if he wants to pursue it.

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Besides the local incident report, which I want to see just for fun to know what happened to him, my question to you Oppo is, should I bother filing an accident report? I don’t know what he did to his Caddy, but my car just had a bit of paint transference that rubbed right out, so I’m not inclined to file a report, not least because it means having to actually go down to whatever station in Philly.

Now, from the damage to my car and where I imagine he hit his car, where it happened, and the fact that I dropped a dime on him and there’s an incident report, I don’t see how I could possibly be found at fault. But would it actually be against my interests to wait and see if he files an accident report and then respond to it? Because otherwise, I really don’t care enough to take the time to do it.

Anyway, by way of a moral: don’t ever get out of your car when there’s a road rager. I promise that there’s nothing that could happen there that will be as satisfying as watching some asshole get pulled over by the police.