What is the sound of one piston slapping?
What is the sound of one piston slapping?

I came home last night to see orange warning stickers on my vehicles. The warning? Fix whatever the sticker says in an unspecified amount of time or have your vehicles towed.

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Here’s what each vehicle said:

1) 2012 smart = Hasn’t moved in 20 days.

2) 2005 smart = Expired plates.

3) Stella = No parking pass.

4) GS 850G = No parking pass.

5) Vespa = Hasn’t moved in 20 days.

6) Trailer = Not allowed on property.

Okay, so some notes here. Up until last night, management has operated on the rule of “don’t be a dick.” Meaning, you can break the rules but if you piss someone off they’re going to come down on you. For the two years I’ve been here, that was the status quo.

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Apparently, not only is there new management, but someone has been complaining. An old man that lives four buildings over has trouble parking at night. He’s been whining about the lack of parking. Then last weekend a family moving out obliterated a $7,000 light pole. Then without warning the management team decided to check every car in the entire complex of ten or so buildings for any possible violation, including previous unenforced ones. Looks like they’re out to make back that $7k.

Everyone is entitled to four spots and technically unlimited vehicles in those four spots. The only requirement is that every vehicle has to display a parking pass. The problem with this is that the buildings do not have adequate parking for four parking spaces in front of every condo. That means if you live in a building where there are multiple car enthusiasts, there can be a natural parking shortage. The bylaws don’t specify where you have to park, just that you get four spaces and have to display parking passes. So if you want to park four cars in front of your condo, you can.

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Thankfully, the complex as a whole DOES actually have enough parking spaces for four cars for every condo, you just have to park in the expanded parking outlot.

I’ve decided to be a good neighbour and I park all loud vehicles and vehicles I don’t drive often in that expanded lot. Yes, it means I have to walk a good distance whenever I need to work on them, but it was no big deal to me. My neighbours were happy, I was happy, everyone was happy.

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The last management team was cool with my motorcycles and trailer. They even stated that the parking pass rule isn’t enforced on bikes because even they thought it was stupid. This new one? Not so much.

So then, what do I do..

First, I sold the trailer.

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I kept the cool Ford hubcaps and I sold it for enough to break even on it. Since I stopped collecting motorcycles I really haven’t used it much. And storing it offsite will quickly start costing more than it’s worth.

Second, I moved the motorcycles into a neighbour’s garage. It’s impossible to comply with the “motorcycles need passes” demand. The passes get blown off in the wind and very often stolen, so putting the real passes on them is dumb (they cost $100 each).

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Also weird is how the Vespa didn’t have plates, didn’t have a parking pass, and very clearly doesn’t run, but their only complaint is “haven’t moved in 20 days”. OK

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Third, the project smart gets a fresh 2020 sticker.

Fourth, I moved the 2012 smart into the main parking lot. It’s not my fault a guy four buildings over has no parking. But since he wanted to whine to management about it, I’m going to make sure he can’t park at the building I live at. He tried to bark at me the other day about the trailer and the Passat. And sure, the trailer didn’t belong and I had forgotten to put a parking pass in the Passat. But I was only using three of my four spaces.

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But now all three of my cars are in compliance and I don’t even own the trailer anymore. He can now proceed to pound sand.

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In other news, I was inspired by diplomat flags on big German cars, so I did this:

Illustration for article titled Malicious Compliance
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Illustration for article titled Malicious Compliance
Illustration for article titled Malicious Compliance
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I also confirmed that the 2012 smart’s alternator puts out less than 12V. It’s only putting out 11V.

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