Middle Aged Man Drives, Gets Cut Off, Then Drives Angry

Wife tried calling in an order for Japanese takeout, but they couldn’t hear us on the phone. Being the nice guy hubby that I try to be, I decided to drive down, place the order in person, and wait. That was my first mistake.

My second mistake was taking my wife’s Expedition. Her big, white, 2011 nice-ass Expedition. I don’t know why, I just took that instead of my CTS. Apparently, this vehicle screams “please fuck with me on the road”.

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Third mistake was not putting the little red VW Golf R into the motherfucking over the curb and into the brick wall beside the road as he suddenly tried to blow my doors off with a VERY close pass (as in, his wheels were hugging the middle line, and he decided that me going the speed limit through a neighborhood was lame), because the son of a bitch decided to cut me off to such a degree that I had to slam on my brakes when he simultaneously changed lanes and came to a complete stop in front of me. I was turning left at the intersection we came to rest at, and he stayed just far enough back from the next car to keep me from getting through the light. I had to wait another cycle before I could turn. Yes, I gave him the finger.

THEN, I HAD TWO ASSHOLES DRIVING 10-15 MPH UNDER SPEED LIMIT AND NOT ACCELERATING, RIGHT UP UNTIL I TRIED TO PASS THEM. Then, they decided they were F1 drivers and slammed the skinny pedal to the floor. Should’ve bumped them, too.

So I’m waiting for my to-go order, trying to vent and calm down before I go all Mad Max on some poor bastard who has the misfortune of accidentally changing into my lane within two car lengths of me.

Also, I need to get the Expedition a front end replacement brush guard. Not for wrecking cars fuck with me on the road, but for... like, other stuff I’ll think of later.

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Here’s a pretentious ass Lambo that I saw yesterday for your time.

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