(in a bad Katy Perry impersonation) I punched an old man, and I didn’t liiike iiiit! Yes, your friendly OPPOnaut had to drop an old man this morning. Obvious context after the jump. (NSFW language)

It all started here

I was driving southbound on Yale St. at a normal speed when a black W211 pulls right out of W23rd St. in front of me. Guy completely ignored the stop sign.

I saw him driving towards Yale pretty quickly. I even had time to think, “no way this dude is going to run the stop sign”. Sure enough he did and of course it happened 10 min after my dashcam’s memory card filled up to the limit lol. It was too close for comfort. People cut me off every 5 minutes on my hour long drive into work. This was just too close. So, I honked my horn for about 3-5 seconds and flashed my (probably illegal) bright ass yellow high beams. He shoots me the bird and it made me giggle. Then, things got worse at the upcoming light.

Advertisement

We are both now on the left lane continuing southbound on Yale St. waiting at the red light. A school zone with a bunch of middle school kids crossing this very intersection. I can see him looking at me and yelling obscenities through his rear view mirror. All of a sudden, he turns his left turn signal on. There is a problem though....

There are TWO!!!! signs that state, “NO LEFT TURN EXCEPT BUSES”. The light turns green and he just stays there as everyone, including me, is honking at him from behind. Cars eventually pass so I pull to the right to overtake. I don’t know why I did what I did next, but it was totally my fault. As I rolled passed him I yelled out the window, “Read the sign bitch!”

Advertisement

Immediately after, he pulls out and starts tailgating me like a mad man. At that point, I made the decision that i’m going to pull over and try to talk some reason into him. I was ready to blast some logic towards him and more than anything, calm this guy down. We pull over at a self service car wash. The man, who was not armed thankfully, probably in his early 60’s and about 5’5”, gets out quickly and heads towards my car. At that point, he kicks my left rear fender hard and beats on my rear glass shouting, “get out you faggot! Come on fag boy”. I, still calm, get out and the argument goes as follows:

-Sir you need to calm way down

Fuck you asshole

-Look dude, you cut me off first and then tried to turn le...

(now shoving me back hard) Fuck you ya little fag! I never cut you off

-Yes you did and plus, you can’t turn left on 20th St.

(he shoves me again and kicks my shin) Yes I can faggy boy, ya scared fag?!

*at that point some lady in a Honda Pilot that had seen the motoring incident on 20th St. pulls into the car wash and is telling the man to calm down and that he indeed could not turn left on 20th St.*

Advertisement

-Dude you need to stop

(now taking swings at me as I backed away) FUCK YOU

-Dude, fucking stop man!

*lady asks me if she should call the police. I said to hold on one sec*

Come on you fat fag. I bet you like it in the ass you fag boy!

- Dude, don’t fucking touch me man, fuckin listen!

(he backs me into one of those vacuum stations and hits me in the right arm/chest area. I push him back then he takes another swing at my face. At that point I know he wants to harm me so after pushing away his punch, I sock him at 50% in the face and he falls to the ground)

Advertisement

-Dude what the fuck man?

Fucking fag! Ya mother fucking fag!

-Are you ok man? Fuck! You’re fucking crazy dude. What the fuck is your problem?

The man gets up and walks towards his car. The lady come up to me and says, “don’t worry, I saw everything for the police.” The guy drives away and I stay talking to the lady for a little bit about everything. The police were not called.

Advertisement

ThatEscalatedQuickly.GIF

Official worst drive into work evaaaa!

I’m a calm dude. I’ve met a couple our our awesome OPPOnauts here and there. Ya’ll know i’m always trying to keep OPPO positive. My LaLD crowd can back me up. I feel shitty about everything and regret ever honking at that fucker lol :] Forgive me please?