First four months of having my beloved 944. It’s happened. It’s finally happened - the trolls have surfaced from beneath their Napa Valley bridge. I have officially encountered that Porsche guy. That fart sniffing, wine and cheese chewing, xenophobic, concourse humping - Porsche guy. You know him well. He’s the purest with an average Porsche but makes sure to tell all others how they are all wrong and need to wipe their cars with virgin beluga whale oil under a harvest moon - because that’s how the Porsche gods want it. His goal in life is to push away people from his precious Porsche and to reinforce the stereotype that gives us all a bad taste about owning a Porsche.

Looking back on how awesome the 944 is:

(Caveat: The Internet is srs bsnss. Typically, I am too busy with actual life (family, work, racing, generally being awesome) to donate my time in correcting the stupid and silly. Unfortunately…it’s a vacation day…)

Background: a fellow 944 entrepreneur posted a video on how to move the gauges around on an early 3-gauge 944. Hey, good’nya my man. I am all for the expanding of what information is available for those who are looking. His video was neat and tidy with clear information. I even posted a picture of gauge setup and some of the experience I had moving it around.


Then that guy appears. Telling my 944 fellow and me that we have shat upon his Porsche alter and kicked a puppy while we were there (for his protection, we’ll call him mrkrankyjeans). He was offended that the tach was moved from the right portal to center and clocked to have 6k a noon. “Why did you want this? Does it help in some way to be a better driver? Is it really necessary for a more pure understanding of 944 ownership?” mrthiscantbehappeningjeans asked us. So we educated our friend about how gauges are tools that we use to tell us about our cars performance and health.

Sadly, that was not enough for mrpretentracingdriverjeans. He goes on to tell us how he’s been on the track since 1985 and that he’s so cool that he just listens to the “sound dynamics” to tell him when to shift.

I’m pretty sure bouncing off of the rev limiter doesn’t count. And your oil pressure gauge isn’t going to tell you much if you are just listening to it. No, that noise would be the sound of your motor shooting a hole out of its side and the eerie silence of a dead machine.


As an instructor and driving coach, that technique is also wrong. Very wrong. Listening for the shift point, as cool as it makes you sound, is not how actual racing is done. I’m watching my tach in nearly every corner to see if I bettering the last time around (carrying more speed). It’s a way to measure a corner. It also gets captured in my session notes and I reference back to the video + car data logging so I can find time. My short article about using data to become a better driver:

Ever optimistic, maybe we got to that guy and pulled him a little further back from going full douchebag? Well, it wouldn’t be fun if that was the case.


mricrymommyatnightjeans started off on the right foot to apologize: “we live in parallel lives with different preferences”. But then jumps back into knee deep malarkey with: “[you should] respect the merits of a well engineered, quality Sportscar… I actually have a barn find series 2 car I paid $75 less for. And still didn’t hacksaw the dash support OR plastidip the exterior. Then make videos extolling those merits and “encouraging” or “motivating” others to do likewise. Do ‘what ever’ to your car. And, makes the rest of our cars worth more. I search for answers as to what it takes to calling anyone names ( something a gentleman driver or racer does NOT do , ESPECIALLY an Instructor ). the guy wielding a hacksaw and a cell phone camera. But with few maint. regimens, glowstix under the rockers, and 6 year old brake fluid and anti-freeze under the hood. Maybe a coffee can on the exhaust tip..... but with 4,000 You Tube views. (eyeroll)”

Oh, mrtightpantyjeans, have you really run with gentleman drivers or pros? Because we call each other a metric shit-ton of names. These are top-dog personalities and there is only one winner in a race. We don’t get participation trophies in this world. If you do not want to win - you’re in the wrong sport. In the inner circle we call those people - OSB (other sports beckon).

As an instructor, I know my clients (goals, ability, aspirations) - they’ll get driving shoe to ass when needed. But no in-you-face yelling - ever. Why? Because in HPDE or practice days - there isn’t a big trophy with buxom bombshells to hug you after the session. It’s a day for the driver to learn how to be a winner.


You do not have to cut anything in the dash to move the gauges around. Secondly, for those keeping score at home, gauges can move! Going to do some real Sherlock Holmes stuff here, read closely - if the gauge can move once, then the gauge can move back to its original location. **Pooof - minds blown**

On the dig about me plasticdipping my car. What? You’d rather it be driven around sun bleached, clear coat chipping away, and scratched? Do I have the ability and money to paint this car - yes! Am I going to run out and do it right now - no! Putting back on my srs bsnsss Holmes hat here - plasticdip is temporary! So when I can be bothered - I can peel it off back to the original, tired, peeling paint. **more minds blown** (Here is another test to see if you’re that guy: Does it bother you that my Cayenne S has every FabSpeed part too? OMG - it’s not stock! (heavy sarcasm here))

In the end, congratulations...mrdiamondscomeoutofmyassjeans. This world needs some trolling fodder to brighten out days with a good laugh. I did enjoy how you first say that you’re merely saying that we live in parallel with different preferences then go on to say how all of ours are wrong.


How about respecting that we all have Porsches (or cars for that matter). Of many sizes, shapes, and colors. Here is a young gentleman who has found an older Porsche and is keeping her going and sharing his experiences in that process. My hat goes off to this man. Should he have to spend 40 times the cost of the car to restore it back to a Grade 1 car? Hell no. I respect the fact that he owns and cherishes the car.

Good day my fellow car peoples. Enjoy Thankstaking.

Ladies and gentlemen: the story you just heard is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the silly.