So, I have some experience with cars being possessed. I had a 91 Cavalier RS (that's the amazing rally sport model that came with brittle black plastic exterior trim with orange stickers in the middle of it for some reason) that would randomly change radio stations whenever the brake was pressed. I also had an 88 Suburban whose rear air-con would sometimes decide August was a good time to have it snow on the third row passenger's heads. Years of listening to Art Bell taught me that it often gets cold whenever ghosts are around and also that when they speak it sounds like static which the CB put out plenty of.
Anyhow, this weekend my wife and I were headed to the movies. Just cruising on the beltway when there's a ding and a warning flashes up on the MyFordTouch display. Don't have time to read it before it clears itself so I assume it's just the TPMS going off for the 500th time. A minute or two later another ding and this time I catch the message:
"Warning, keys not in car". Huh? I'm pretty sure they're in my pocket. Whatever, it clears again and I'm thinking I'll have to pull fuse 24 and reset sync again. It dings a couple more times and while I'm content to ignore it, my wife starts asking "Is your car going to shutdown on the interstate and kill us?"
Then, a triple ding. This time the warning has an ominous red ball next to it and it states "Imobilizer Malfunction: See dealer immediately". Not so good I suppose, oh well, hopefully it starts back up when we get done.
So we watch the, kind of meh, "Book of Life", and return to the car. Doors don't unlock on the first go. Uh oh. Jam the button a couple more times and I'm allowed entry. Phew.
Then, sitting inside, the doors start locking and unlocking themselves rapidly. Hit some buttons (because randomly jamming the lock button on the center console and all the buttons on the fob is bound to fix the issue) and everything seems to return to normal. Also, bonus, no more warnings on the screen.
Go to start up and bam the hatch pops. Gah.
Get out and close it. At this point my wife is like "I don't think we should be driving this". Screw that though, I've driven significantly more crippled (or haunted) vehicles than this.
Starts up fine and we get home without incident other than the returning of the two messages approximately every 30 seconds.
Turns out, the way Ford decided to tell you your key fob is low on batteries is to give your vehicle the symptoms of a haunting and issue warnings that you need to see your dealer who obviously keeps an exorcist on staff.
Replaced the dollar fifty battery in the fob and the ghosts are at bay.