My wife and I have 3 cats, so we often order things like food and litter in bulk from, which is great, because as long as you spend $49 or more per order you get free FedEx shipping that often comes in 1 day. Except lately, our FedEx driver has been fucking with us.

Yesterday, a package from Chewy was supposed to be delivered. I got a “your package is scheduled for delivery today” email and everything. Then at about 4:45, I got a FedEx delivery exception email. The reason selected was “Customer Not Available or Business Closed.”


Except I work from home, and I was at home when I received this email. Nobody rang the doorbell, nobody knocked, nothing. I wasn’t looking out the front window at the time, but who knows if a driver even actually came to my house. And even if we weren’t home, that shouldn’t have mattered, because doesn’t ship cat food and litter with a signature required, and I’ve even updated my FedEx account online with delivery instructions to leave packages on the steps, so the box should’ve just been left on the doorstep!

This isn’t the first time this has happened. In fact, about 3 weeks ago, the exact same shit happened. That time, I called customer service to complain, and magically, the FedEx truck came by an hour or two later and dropped off the package. At the bottom of our tall-ass steps, with no knock on the door.

So yesterday, I did the same thing and called FedEx, and they said the driver would make another attempt. Except nothing happened. No package. Nothing. Today, I got another “your package is scheduled for delivery today” email. So much for that second attempt.

Not wanting to leave anything to chance, I said fuck it, and printed out 2 copies each of both the tracking email and the nasty note to the FedEx driver you see above. I stuck them to both my front door AND my garage door.


I have half a mind to camp out in my front window in the kitchen and watch for the truck so I can yell at this motherfucker who keeps not delivering my cat food, but I’m not going to do that shit.


UPDATE: THE PACKAGE WAS DELIVERED JUST NOW! But not without one more little annoyance.


I got an email this evening saying my package was delivered. No knock or doorbell ring, as per usual, so I went outside to look for the package, and there was no package! So, righteously pissed, I called customer service, got as far as entering my tracking number and explaining the situation to them, when the doorbell rang! Lo and behold, it was the FedEx guy! He must’ve seen my notes and rang for once instead of just dropping the package.

He probably also hit the “delivered” button on his little tracking gizmo while he was on his way in to my neighborhood, or something.


Turns out, he’s off on Mondays, and there’s some new guy who works the route on Mondays. I told him this was the second time this has happened where a non-signature package was marked as “customer not home” and not left. He asked if the last time was also a Monday. I didn’t know off the top of my head, but I just checked and it was January 17, a Thursday.

So I don’t know if maybe this new guy was also covering the route that day or what, but now my regular FedEx driver knows that shit will not fly with me. Ugh.


Life presents enough indignities to us every day, come on FedEx, just leave the damn cat food on the doorstep.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter