Which means endless hours of the Food Network, HGTV, and Animal Planet. “Ooh, you’ve got to watch this. I saw it last week,” doesn’t mean we can change the channel. It just means we get running commentary. I came home from my gig hoping to watch F1, and instead I sat through an episode of Chopped Jr. and now we’re watching Too Cute about kittens. The idiotic anthropomorphic commentary is causing me to lose brain cells.

I love my mom, but please, shoot me now.