Illustration for article titled My proudest achievement of the day....

Getting called a motherf*cker by a cold call telemarketer 😂

So spring has sprung and the air-duct cleaning cold callers were out in full force today; they’ve hit both my cell phones while I was at work and then my landline this evening around dinner time.


This is technically illegal: Canada has a national “do not call” list and any company telemarketing to people on this list (me included) can be fined. Of course these sketchy call centers operate from India out of reach of the CRTC.

So I’ve started fighting back.

At first I tried wasting their time by asking them to give me a quote while listing different types of ducks: “ok I’ve got 12 mallards a couple of Eiders and a Muscovy, how much to do the lot? Oh and make sure you get under the tail feathers, I really wasn’t happy with how slapdash the last guy was...”


This didn’t work too well, they mostly got confused and it was awkward.

SSo my simpler and more puerile response now is just to quack at them until they hang up on me.


There’s an art to it, you have to make the tone of the quacks sound like a statement or sentence -think Daffy duck- so it takes a few exchanges for them to realize it’s not just a bad connection.

S far I’ve had:

<Resigned>“ohhh ducks, very funny....CLICK”

Mostly they just hang up, but today I got:

<Angry>“mumble mumble mumble Mother*cker....CLICK”

Irealize I’m only messing with some poor 20-something wage slave in Mumbai not the mastermind of the scheme but they’re a pest and likely a scam so I’ll take retribution where I can get it.


I highly recommend this technique, being more irritating to the telemarketers than they are to us t feels like winning on some level.

Rare Australian, Antarctic DUKW for your time

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