I bought a new phone yesterday... Nothing fancy, just an iPhone SE to replace my iPhone 5 that still somehow worked.

Setting this thing up is fun. First, I had to sign in to my Apple ID. I know my password because the App Store made me enter it constantly on my 5. Then, I had to enter answers for my security questions... I set my Apple account up oh... idunno... 12 years ago? Not a chance. I locked myself out of my account for 8 hours. Finally, today I miraculously got an answer correct and was able to get into my account. Win! Finally, the setup nightmare is over!

Now, let’s set up that annoying 2 factor authentication thing that my new phone keeps nagging me about. Password? Done. Security questions? Just changed them, so no problem. Oh, that’s not enough to prove it’s you! We simply need you to verify the credit card number you have on file with us. Oh, also- that credit card expired 2 years ago. Don’t have access to that card? Just click the little “I don’t have access to that card” link so we can tell you that you need to have access to that card and there’s no other way to proceed.

Once I figure that out, I’m sure it’s going to ask me to confirm the combination for my gym locker from 5th grade, followed by the tail number of the B-17 my grandpa flew.