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News Flash: American Motors Corporation Awarded Emergency Drug Production Funds


Beautiful AMC Pacer, probably headed to Portland to run over some protesters.
Beautiful AMC Pacer, probably headed to Portland to run over some protesters.
Image: Glorious Leader
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After Eastman Kodak shares jumped over 500% during Wednesday morning trading, President Trump invoked the Defense Production Act for the second time in as many days, awarding defunct carmaker American Motors Corporation (AMC) a $1.2 billion grant in exchange for the production of experimental drugs to treat COVID-19. “AMC was a proud American car company, and we plan to bring over 1,000 jobs back right away,” The President said from a White House press briefing. “My experience with AMC executives, as well as the cars’ owners over the years, tells me they know a thing or two about drugs.” In response to reporter questions, Mr. Trump outlined that the grant would include any drugs that helped people forget about the pandemic, and that the drugs would be made available for free to the general public within weeks so that public schools could resume in-person teaching as planned. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos echoed the sentiment, hinting at the possibility that bleach Epi-Pens could be issued to all students by mid-August.

 

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