News Flash: Bureau of Land Management Reports Record Fundraising Levels

Over the past two months, the US Department of the Interior’s Bureau of Land Management division (BLM) has reported consecutive record-breaking fundraising months. Despite a lack of any concerted efforts to spread the word about the agency’s mission to protect and allocate public lands across the Western US, citizens from all over the world have used sites like GoFundMe and CrowdRise to shower the department with the equivalent of its entire annual budget in just the past six weeks alone.

William Pendley, totally outdoors for real
William Pendley, totally outdoors for real
Photo: Joe Mama
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BLM Deputy Director Bill Pendley has been completely caught off guard by the deluge of private donation. “Historically, over 99% of our funds have come directly from the Federal Government,” Pendley explains. “It’s heartening to see how many Americans have suddenly taken an interest in land stewardship and appropriate allocations of our natural resources.”

With an average donation of just $37, Pendley is thrilled at the widespread, grass-roots approach that the donations have taken. “With accompanying messages like ‘Defund the Police,’ donors are clearly implying that more funds should be directed toward [The Department of the] Interior. We can also assure users like @ACAP_69 that his $20 contribution stating ‘F the Pigs’ will be used to fence in the herds of wild boars roaming through parts of West Texas.”

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“We will F the heck out of those pigs!” he restated for emphasis.

A BLM ranger explains how rocks are used, and where to meet if the group gets separated.
A BLM ranger explains how rocks are used, and where to meet if the group gets separated.
Photo: Joe Papa
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The BLM can trace its roots back to the early 19thcentury, when its mission was to manage the newly acquired lands from the Louisiana Purchase and the later annexation of Texas and further Westward expansion by settlers in the new American nation.

“This new windfall of funds will really help the BLM achieve its mission. But ultimately it’s only because of the foresight of our original leaders that you can now pay $20 per day to visit land that we totally peaceably and legally acquired from the millions of sickly alcoholics who had been living there before, assuming some mining company doesn’t want the land more,” Mr. Pendley concluded, adding, “What a time to be a part of the BLM!”

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