NFL: we’ve introduced several changes to help speed up the games.

Also the NFL: YOU GET A PENALTY! YOU GET A PENALTY! YOU GET A PENALTY! YOU, YOU, YOU, AND YOU, YOU ALL GET PENALTIES! /oprah

Well, at least they fixed the catch rule BS, so there shouldn’t be any mor-

Fuck.

P.S., when sacking the QB, be sure to gently caress him to the turf while you gaze supportively into his eyes and reassure him that he’s a good boy.

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Other than that, I’m so glad that football is back. Hell, I even got to see a CU game on TV! Nothing is better than watching Nebraska make dumb decision after dumb decision. “We need to run the clock down? Nah, we’ll just keep snapping the ball with 17 seconds left on the play clock.” “We need a third-down stop? LEMME SHOW THIS GUY HOW TOUGH I AM! *flag*”

Seahawks at Broncos: Why is any team favored in this game? With the Seahawks it’s Russell Wilson and ???, and it’s anyone’s guess what the Broncos’ offense will be like. Who knows. If Seattle is smart, they’ll call lots of QB keeps because the Broncos haven’t been able to stop a running QB for oh, the last fifteen years. Tom Brady gashes them regularly with his running, for God’s sake. I’m saying the Broncos win, but only because they’re at home and because I’m a fan. It’s a toss-up TBH.

Today in Denver we get one CBS game, but it’s a good one. Texans at Patriots. C’mon, Texans, you have to know everyone is rooting for you in this game, except maybe the rest of your division. I’m excited to see Deshaun Watson back and I hope he’s back to his old self.

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Over on Fox we get the Niners at the Vikings early. Not a bad game, but I’ll more likely be watching the other game unless it’s a blowout. After that we have the Broncos.

The rest of the games: Bills at Ravens, Steelers at Browns (go Browns), Bengals at Colts, Titans at Dolphins, Bucs at Saints, Jags at Giants, Chiefs at Chargers (if only they could both lose), Redskins at Cardinals, Cowboys at Panthers, SNF with Bears at Packers, and the MNF double-header of Jets at Lions and Rams at Raiders.

I have beer and I have football. Sometime soon I’ll have a car again. And my job is taking us all to a Rockies game on Thursday. Life is good.

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How’s your team doing?