If your Ford had a Matthew McConaughey, it would be a Lincoln

NFL Open Thread

Oy. That was a terrible game. I feel bad for Eli.

It’s snowing here in Denver. Not a lot, but enough. Maybe it’ll snow enough to distract us from the Broncos’ shitty play. I can hope. I think this will turn out like the Chiefs game, where they played a way better team and were handling them until the end where it struck midnight and it turned out there was no Cinderella, just Case Keenum overthrowing his receivers. Oh well, at least I have a car now.

I’m more interested in the early CBS game, to be honest. It’s the Chargers at the Browns. Browns, there is nothing in life that gives me more pleasure than watching Philip Rivers scream G-rated quasi-obscenities on the sideline. Please make it happen.

No afternoon CBS game for us, and the only FOX game we get is the Rams-Broncos. Sometimes I wish I had the DirecTV NFL package. But Sunday Night Football makes up for it with the Chiefs-Pats game. Obviously I hate the Chiefs since they’re a division rival of my team, but I really want to see them stomp the Pats tonight. I mean, they’ll probably lose to them in the playoffs anyway. Then there’s the Niners-Packers game, which is on Monday night so I’ll be protected from watching it.


The rest of the slate:

Bears at Dolphins: I have a weird feeling the Dolphins might win this one, but what do I know?


Bills at Texans: Both are slowly starting to play better, should be interesting. I think the Texans probably win.

Bucs at Falcons: We can all see what’s wrong with the Bucs, but what’s up with the Falcons?


Cardinals at Vikings: Meh.

Colts at Jets: Can the Jets sweep the horse-based teams this year? Does anyone care? Does life even matter? Nihilism wins this game.


Panthers at Redskins: one of the games I kinda wish I could watch, surprisingly. I don’t have a clear feeling how it could go.

Seahawks vs. Raiders in London: I swear to God, if you assholes don’t stop playing “London Calling” during these games I’m going to burn down the NFL. STOP IT.


Steelers at Bengals: I hate the Steelers. I always root for their opponents. Even if it’s the Patriots. Go Bengals.

Jags at Cowboys: They’re both stumbling around a bit. I honestly thought the Cowboys would be in worse shape at this point. The Jags should win but they still have Blake Bortles at QB, so who knows.


Ravens at Titans: Here’s the other game I wish I could watch today. My gut tells me the Ravens will probably take it.

Bye: Lions, Saints.

Let’s play a game! Everyone guess the point in the Rams-Broncos game when I’ll start dropping shot(s) of whiskey into my beer.

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