If your Ford had a Matthew McConaughey, it would be a Lincoln

NFL Open Thread

Update: well, that was excruciating. But, it was a great game. I wonder how long Brees will be out, and Big Ben. Looks like another week where I’ll be at the bottom of our pick em group.

Week Two. It didn’t take long for my slight optimism to be flushed down the toilet. Also, what the hell happened to Cam Newton? Yikes.

Advertisement

The Broncos... good lord. Last week I said I thought they could go 8-8. I’m going to revise that a bit. 4-12. That was definitely a 4-12 team I watched. Look, I know it was Rich Scangarello’s first time ever calling plays in an NFL game, but that first play call on offense was the only thing I needed to know. I’ve never seen anyone call a swinging gate play on the first play from scrimmage and have it work. Plus, they handed the ball to a rookie tight end. Not a running back. Five-yard loss. This is after watching what was supposed to be a top-five defense let the Raiders’ offense cut through them with barely any resistance. They all looked completely flat. Flacco looked ok. Run game sucked. I went to bed at halftime. I’ve seen this all before. I’m still picking them to beat the Bears today, but I have very little faith left except that the game will be ugly to watch.

My enthusiasm for the season has been a little crushed. I don’t know if I want to deal with another sub-.500 year. So I’m not sure I’m going to watch a lot of football today, but I might go for a drive during the early games and listen to one on Sirius.

Our choices are a little skewed today here in Denver because the Bears-Broncos game will be on Fox. Our only CBS game is Chargers at Lions. The Lions couldn’t beat the Cardinals (or lose to them, actually) so I can’t believe they’d be able to stop the Chargers. (Please note that in my first ever time playing in a pick’em league I came 14th out of 16, and 16th place was someone who forgot to post their picks.) Fox’s early game for us is Cowboys at Redskins. NFL, stop it. Stop pushing the Cowboys on us. STOP IT. We’d rather see the Niners-Bengals game or the Seahawks-Steelers game. SERIOUSLY, STAHP. I guess I’ll take the Cowboys because I hate the Redskins. Then after that is the Bears-Broncos game. SNF is Eagles-Falcons? Ick. I’ll pick the Eagles but I doubt I’ll watch much. Monday Night is Browns-Jets. I actually would like to watch this one but I can’t. No cable. I don’t know who to pick. The Browns looked like the Browns last week, and the Jets have to rely on Trevor Siemian at QB, who no doubt has PTSD from all the hits he took behind the Broncos’ shit O-line. Right now I’m thinking the Jets but I’ll probably change my mind a few times.

The rest:

Patriots at Dolphins - Fuck the Patriots. I hope AB never gets to play a down for you. I hope the Dolphins suddenly remember how to play football. (They won’t.)

Advertisement

Cardinals at Ravens - I’m picking the Cardinals. Just a gut feeling. I will likely be wrong.

Niners at Bengals - This might be the game I listen to. Give me the Niners here, but I think it could be a fun game.

Advertisement

Vikings at Packers - I know the Packers beat the Bears last week but they did not look good doing it. The Vikings are probably a better team right now.

Jaguars at Texans - Wow, the Texans played a hell of a game last week. I’ll take them here.

Advertisement

Bills at Giants - Bills.

Seahawks at Steelers - Seahawks looked better last week, so I’ll go with them.

Colts at Titans - I don’t know if the Titans are for real. I’d still like to see Jacoby Brissett do well this season, but I’ll choose the Titans to win.

Advertisement

Chiefs at Raiders - Unlike the Broncos, the Chiefs will actually show up in Oakland. I wonder how Pat Mahomes’ ankle is though.

Saints at Rams - I sort of wish we were getting this game, should be fun to watch. I think the Saints get some revenge for the playoff game.

Advertisement

How’d your team do in their debut last week? Are you drinking heavily to forget? Or drinking heavily to celebrate?

Share This Story