If your Ford had a Matthew McConaughey, it would be a Lincoln

NFL Open Thread

After this week, a quarter of the season will be over. Man, there’s a lot of winless teams in the AFC right now.

I don’t think it’s really worth wasting time analyzing my team right now, because they suck. It is interesting that the Broncos and Jags are probably both looking at this game in exactly the same way; “This is a winnable game! The other team is worse than we are! If we win today the next couple games are definitely possible wins and we could get on a roll!” So my bet is that they’ll both fuck it up and end up in a tie.

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I have two possible hot takes here, depending on how it goes. If the Broncos win, I think they actually would go on to win the next two games; however they will not go above .500 at any point. If they lose, Elway will be out at the end of the year.

I won’t be watching much today, because when my husband gets off work we’re going to head up to the mountains to flush some money down the toilet gamble for a bit and have a nice dinner. I will get to see an early game and the first half of the Jags-Broncos, and then I’ll be listening to the second half on the drive up. At least I have an ok choice of early games. On CBS we in Denver get the Pats at the Bills and on Fox it’s the Chiefs at the Lions. I’ll be pulling for the underdogs but will probably watch them both lose. And as far as the Broncos, I’m not picking them until they at least show they can actually win a game. SNF will be a fun one, with the Cowboys at the Saints. I know the Cowboys could probably pull off a win but I’m picking the Saints at home. MNF is the Bengals at the Steelers. Gross. They should be able to flex shitty games out of Monday night, too. I’ll say the Steelers should win the dumpster fire bowl, but I just can’t bring myself to care.

The rest:

Titans at Falcons - Inter-conference games can sometimes be really interesting and fun matchups. This is not one of them (at least not to me). Bleh. Neither team seems to be consistent enough to make me say for sure who will win, so I’ll just go with the home team.

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New Browns at Old Browns - This is a game the Ravens should win and one they need to. For some reason, it feels to me like the Browns will pull it off.

Panthers at Texans - I will be utterly shocked if the Texans don’t win this game.

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Raiders at Colts - I think the Colts are the better team and will win.

Chargers at Dolphins - The Chargers love to lose games like these. If they don’t beat the Fins, I don’t know how you could possibly take them seriously as a playoff threat this year.

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Giants at Redskins - Fuck the Redskins. Go Danny Dimes!

Seahawks at Cardinals - I pick the Seahawks, though they always seem to have trouble playing in Arizona. They are by far the better team here.

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Buccaneers at Rams - Meh. Rams.

Vikings at Bears - I don’t have a good read on this game. Both these teams seem pretty flawed. I picked the Vikings in my pick ‘em, but I have no faith in that pick. It’s a toss up to me.

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Jets and Niners are on their bye week.

I gave you my hot takes for my team, so what’s yours for your team at this point in the season?

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