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NFL Open Thread

Edit: WOOHOO I’M DRUNK Y’ALL! Also, what exactly was the reason the Broncos were so terrified to start Drew Lock? He looks aight. The Chiefs are killing the Raiders, the Eagles shat the bed and lost to the Dolphins, and Jared Goff has woken up from his coma.

Sometimes I think I only watch these for the voice they gave to Patrick Mahomes.

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Hey! A bunch of football happened on Thanksgiving that I didn’t see! I watched the Lions pretend like they were trying to win a game only to go “LOL J/K BYEE” at the end, but I missed the other two. Why? Because somehow I married into the only family from Texas who don’t care about football. (They are awesome people in every other way, so I guess I’ll let it go this time.) Which means I missed Matt Ryan get stiff-armed into next year:

I know it looks like it was shot with a PXL-2000, but the German commentary is hilarious even if I don’t know what they’re saying.

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I’m a fan of a bad football team. The next paragraph is about them, so feel free to skip over it.

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If the Broncos tried to go into this game without starting Drew Lock I think there would have been a riot. We don’t care if he sucks. We just want to know if he sucks before the draft. It would be helpful if he doesn’t suck, though, because the Broncos need to have a Noah’s Ark draft. (They need two of everything.) Here’s our fear as fans, though... this organization has a history of trying to force QBs to fit into their system instead of developing a system that fits the QB. Just go back and look at Jake Plummer. He got benched for Jay Cutler because he went off-script too much and made Mike Shanahan’s face turn even more orange. They forced PEYTON FUCKING MANNING to go under center instead of being in the shotgun. Ok, they won a Super Bowl doing that, but still. It’s maddening considering that the one time they did scrap everything and fit the system to a QB, they completely rebounded a bad season, won the division, and won a playoff game with a QB that HAD NOT MASTERED THROWING A FORWARD PASS. Stop pretending you’re the smartest guys in the room, because you’re fucking not. You run a team that’s been losers for the last three years.

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My choices today are pretty decent, actually. On CBS we’ll get the Browns-Steelers debacle, which I would probably be watching if it weren’t for Fox actually giving us what might be the game of the year at this point... 49ers at Ravens. I have nothing against the Niners, but I really want the Ravens to win out and snag home field away from the Pats so I’m pulling for them today. No late Fox game, just Chargers at Broncos. If this game had a flavor, it would be rancid vinegar. The Chargers are playing like ass, and the Broncos are too. I have no faith in either side, so I have to go with Home Team Wins 20-17. SNF is the Patiots at the Texans. I guess the Pats are being hit pretty hard by the flu, and aside from their defense they haven’t looked all that fantastic in spite of their record. They really remind me of the 2015 Broncos. The Pats will probably lose at least one more game, but I don’t think this is the team that beats them. MNF will be Vikings-Seahawks, which means I have to listen to that one on the radio since I don’t have cable.

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The rest:

Redskins at Panthers - Yeesh. Seems like there’s been more bad games than good ones this year. Panthers.

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Jets at Bengals - See above. Oy. Jets? I have no idea.

Titans at Colts - Oh, this is going to be interesting. I’d love to say the Colts win, but the Titans actually look pretty good with Tannehill behind center. He came into the game against the Broncos and nearly led them to a comeback. Since that game, they’ve won four out of five. I think they win.

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Bucs at Jags - This might be a good game between two bad teams. Depends on which Jameis Winston shows up.

Eagles at Dolphins - After that gift by the Cowboys, the Eagles better take care of business today.

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Packers at Giants - Packers should win easily. Should.

Rams at Cardinals - I’m going with the Cardinals here. The Rams look bad right now.

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Raiders at Chiefs - Man, too bad this game is on opposite my team. I could see the Chiefs losing here and that would cause a huge shakeup. I kinda want to see that happen.

Well, enjoy the games and hopefully you have plenty of Thanksgiving leftovers to keep you company today!

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