Doing my morning CL surfing when this appeared. It’s a 944, “Smog exempt” because it’s a “diesel.” Not knowing what to expect, I read the ad. Is this another CP? Or is it the most Jalop Parsh?

At first glance, this appears to be a 944 with a wide body kit and some other modifications (steelies!) Looking through the pictures, it looks like a solid vehicle. Reading the ad, though, is something else.

Let’s analyze it:

1984 porsche 944

Tags are up to date expires January $85 bucks no smog

This seems pretty standard for a car of this caliber and price, but...

Regular Gas was diesel gas before

I’m going to come back to this, as the syntax is ambiguous. It’s important though.

Clean tittle

Tee. Hee. Realistically I was expecting it to be salvage, but a clean title is very good for a car at this price.

Stick shift 

This is important to acknowledge. It wouldn’t have shown up in my search otherwise. No interior pics so no way to verify, but I think I trust this bit.

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I actually dig the rear lip spoiler

NO MORE SMOG CAR WAS MADE DIESEL SO YOU CAN DO A ENGINE SWAP I HAVE ALL THE PAPER WORK TO PROVE IT 

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The Volkswagen in the room, folks. This is a 944 that’s been converted to diesel fuel (how?) Is it a new engine? Spark plugs removed and compression increased? Something else entirely? The “Regular Gas was diesel gas before“ line doesn’t help us at all in deducing what exactly was done to this vehicle to grant it “Diesel” status. Let’s read on:

car has a wide body kit $3,000

(NEEDS FUEL PUMP)

So it’s clearly an incomplete project. A red flag for sure, but I’m too intrigued to simply close the ad and move on with my life. I want a diesel 944 to be a real thing...

I’M JUST SELLING THE BODY THE CAR IS COMPLETE JUST THAT I WAS GOING TO DO A LS swap BUT I BOUGHT A CAMARO YOU CAN BUY THIS CAR TO RACE IT OR WATEVER YOU WANNA DO TO IT THE CAR HAS MONEY INTO TO IT ALREADY I CAN’T KEEP GOTTA GET RID OF IT 

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Okay. Time for some next-level literary analysis here. The phrase “just selling the body” is directly adjacent to “the car is complete,” a jarring juxtaposition that opens up a number of questions. Is the whole car being sold, or just the body? If it’s “complete,” then why does it need a fuel pump?

“LS swap” done by //AMG = AutoMatic Gearbox

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Then we reach the point of no return. LS swap. It looks like our seller was smart, and bought a car that presumably makes the “swap” part of LS swap unnecessary. (Can those two words ever be apart? It’s like how VTEC requires a “yo” afterwards...) Though the seller misspelled “Camero,” there’s clearly some logic in this.

I WANT 3,000 OBO

DON’T TRY TO LOW BALL ME BCUZ I KNOW THIS CAR IS WORTH IT IF UR GOING TO RACE IT YOU DON’T SEE THESES CAR ON THE STREET A LOT

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Wrapping up, it’s clear that this project was intended to be fast. The question of the diesel powerplant remains completely unanswered.

3,000 obo

Nice price, or crack pipe? Crack diesel exhaust pipe? VW CP OMG?

I think the concept of a diesel 944 would be a very Jalop Swap* but I have a feeling that’s not what’s going on here.

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Link in case of Kinja:

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*can we make that an official vocabulary term here?