Dear Emy, (NSFW tag for safety)

I want you to know that I truly love you, but sometimes I think we’re not good for each other. Sometimes, I think we are in a mutually abusive relationship. I love spending time with you, but I feel like I’m just using you. Sometimes I feel you use me for my money. I feel like our relationship has reached a level of BDSM never before seen. I abuse you, you abuse my wallet in return. I’ve had to rely on my parents to pay for you at times. Shame is, every cent (of their money) is worth it.

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Honestly, our BDSM relationship makes 50 Shades of Grey look tame. The abuse and nurture cycle is insane- yet exhilarating. I know I love every second of it. Albeit, you always make sure it comes back and bites me in the end. But, even then, I loved the feeling of that pain. It hurts so damn good, it’s a feeling I don’t think I’ll ever find somewhere else.

And I don’t want to find it somewhere else.

I love you Emy, and I do not want to ever let you go. I know we have our issues, and while I started this letter trying to let go, just the thought of letting go makes me cling onto you even harder. I have loved you since I was 5. It’s amazing how little you’ve aged since then. Besides a few scars, I would swear you’re a quarter of your age. Heck, every time I look over your body, there is just something about your curves that makes me stop and stare. Every time I walk away, I still look back at you. There is just something about you that makes you timeless.

I remember all those late nights- me deep inside you, winding up drenched in your fluids. I remember those mornings after- when I’d go to school, and my friends would know I had been with you just based off my appearance. But instead of the walk of shame, I had swagger. Even when I scrubbed my body until I was raw, the sweet smell of you lingered on me. While they made fun of me for it, I secretly relished the smell. I secretly wore it like a badge of honor- a badge of manhood. I knew others would never understand- they never will- but I did. We did.

While others may come and go in my life, I want *US* to be eternal. Even though I know my parents resent our relationship, I don’t care. They don’t resent you by any stretch, they resent my undying and slightly unhealthy devotion to you. But, every time I lay into you, when you purr, all I feel is ecstasy. The blood, sweat, and tears all become more then worth it for the feeling you give me.

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I still remember our first time on that brisk September day back in 2015. Its hard to believe our first time was over 3 years ago! I know I met you right after your Ex left you for some new and shiny thing. It’s funny to think that his relationship with it barely lasted 1/5th of the time he was with you. But it’s his loss now, because you’re mine. Also, you can’t exactly criticize him for leaving you for a fresh face. Afterall, you went and stole my heart the split second I was legal!

Also, wow, I just still can’t believe it’s been 3 years! Obviously, our relationship goes way before that. When I take my trip down memory lane, it’s shocking realizing all the milestones you were there for. You slowly saw me grow up into the person I am today. And sure, along the way you made sure to give me a thing for Germans.

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You are my first, and as cocky as I get sometimes, I’m still learning. I’m sorry you’re the one who has had to deal with my learning curve, but I have to say you are one excellent teacher. After all, you have taught me pretty much all I know. I’m just sorry you’ve had to deal with all my mistakes as well. I’m sorry for the scars I’ve left, but I promise you I will make it up. I will do everything I can to make them go away one day.

But then again, let’s be real, something about you brings out the absolute worse in me. I can’t put my word on it exactly. Maybe it’s the feeling of invincibility I get when I’m inside you? Who knows. But I do know that feeling is something that I haven’t had with any of my other flings.

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And I’m still sorry about those flings- but they are born out of place of fear. Even though this hasn’t happened, I’ve always been a little afraid that I won’t turn you on. I’m afraid I’ll push you a tad too far and I won’t be able to pick up the pieces and fix things. And honestly, I haven’t had that feeling with others. Maybe it’s age, maybe it’s because you matter so much to me. I’m terrified of the day something will happen and I won’t be able to fix it, but I will give you absolutely everything I can until I have nothing left to give.

I know it’s been a couple months since I saw you last, but I can’t wait to come home and finally treat you right. I haven’t stopped thinking about you at all. I have mementos all around my dorm room to remind me of you. Whenever I didn’t want to do an assignment or wanted to give up, it was the thought of you was what gave me the strength to persevere. I can’t stop thinking of all the things I want to do to you when I get home.

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I’ve spent my days studying diagrams of you, trying to learn how to do things right. I want to make you purr and scream, not cough and die. I don’t want to mess up and screw everything up. I would never forgive myself if I lost you for a stupid mistake I made. That being said, I am still fully confident in my abilities to strip you down bare.

And, I know it’s a little early, but I was thinking about having you come with me back to college for spring semester. I was looking at a bunch of things for you. Some special lube, some new rubber, a cover to keep you warm at night. Some might be overkill, but I want to take care of you. You are my Baby, Emy. I love you so damn much.

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Emy is the name of my 2004 Volkswagen Passat Wagon. Emy comes from the fact that she’s Emerald Green.

I submitted this for a satire piece for my creative writing class. No context was given to my Professor prior to submission.