Of course my state gets the goat’s blood drinking guy running for senate. Of course we do. Naturally. Where else is he supposed to campaign for a senate seat? Narnia already has Aslan, and Mordor is an apocalyptic autocracy with no legislative body, so that just leaves Florida, Naturally.

“Agustus Sol Invictus”? Does this guy think he’s a character in the Warhammer 30,000 universe or something? Goddamnit, it’s not even actually 2016 yet and the batshittery has already been cranked past 11. If someone with a name like that actually gets to represent a state in the U.S. Senate...I’ll eat every piece of hardware this post travels through before making it to Gawker’s servers.