While trying to pick a crunchy-yet-healthy snack to bring to work along with my lunches, I meant to get some honey wheat pretzel twists, but instead bought artificially butter-flavored (“Burstin’ with Buttery Flavor!”) Old Dutch Butter Spindles. They’re movie popcorn flavored pretzel twists.

My lips are already starting to dry out from the salt like when you eat too much movie popcorn. It’s all of the artificial butter flavor goodness without the bullshit aggravation of getting kernels stuck between your teeth. I need to hide these in a desk drawer before I eat the whole bag.