In the past week, the following things have happened:
1. The lady cutting my hair kept referring to people as “Extra” and I thought it was condescending shorthand for “Extra Special” (or “Special”) and I kept wondering why she was calling her own mother mentally challenged. Moral of the story: Don’t ever try to infer a meaning.
2. Yesterday I drove through a Starbucks and ordered a Grande Latte with an extra shot of Espresso, whole milk, one Splenda. LIKE A BOSS. Then I said “Same thing for my wife, but skim milk instead.” *blank stare from barista* *looks at keyboard* *looks at me* “We have fat free milk, is that ok?” Damn you, Big Milk and your ever-changing marketing terms!
3. The lady who rents our old house is in her late 50s, but has 20-something daughters. By the third time she texted me “lkr” over the past 6 months I had to look it up (It’s “IKR” for “I know, right?” but without a comma or question mark because FML and Living Language can just suck it).