*Starts car*

Father: Where's the noise?

Me: Oh, we're not in Dynamic mode.

*Switch to dynamic mode, turns off car. Car starts again. Noise of hell assures: BRRRRUMMMMM*

Father: Oh shit!

Me: *hysterical laughter*

Old lady down the street: You fucking kids!

Why buy this vehicle? You could get an M5/6 which would handle better and have more cred with the enthusiasts. Or you could get the CLS63 which is not only faster in a straight line but you'll get the cred with the common folk, everyone who hasn't own a Mercedes out of warranty loves them.


You buy the Audi for the amazing power train it possess, noise, looks and quality. No, I'm lying. You buy it because it's fucking insane. You're a better person after you buy this car, because there's not that many cars out there that laugh at themselves, which is exactly what this one does. Also, if you're a logical man, you're wife and kids would most likely leave you after such a purchase. Oh, you're a female? Sorry.

(Full Disclosure: Audi wanted us to have this car so much, that my father bought it for a ridiculous amount of money and waited five aching months for it. No regrets are yet made, though I'll keep you and his wallet updated.)

Before we start, I must state one thing. This is not my car, this is my fathers. More exactly, his retirement car. Don't worry, I thought it would of been a Lincoln for sure. We traded in our 2012 Audi A7 for this car, the differences, well at least too myself, are well worth it. I will make sure to note the option and prices for the car.


The type of person who buys this car borders between the line of normal person and car enthusiast. They are the type of people who know what they drive, they know the engine in the car they daily, but perhaps not the gear ratios or the compression ratio. They do love cars...but not enough to really fall into that car guy lifestyle.

The differences between the RS7 to S7 are quite plenty, even more so comparing to an A7. Throughout the review I will point out potential differences, then you could decide if it's worth it over an S7, or even an A7.


Exterior: 9/10

The front fascia, the haunches it preserves just for you to look at. Gorgeous.

It's a great looking kit, the 20 inch concave wheels are a great addition to the car. A lot better looking than the "wheel cover" looking optional 21 inch wheels ($1000). There's small details around the car you really do catch with your eye when you walk around it. The gorgeous aluminum dam on the bottom of the front bumper, the inward curves inside the body that gorgeously reflect the paint.


The paint on this car is Panther Black crystal. It's primarily a black paint with lots of metallic flake, it's mostly purple, but in the sun it can look anywhere from green to blue. It's an amazing color, only on the RS models it is permitted.

A few other things that make the car differ from your A7 is the different rear and front bumper, the side skirts, lightly smoked head/taillights, aluminum mirrors and trim. The optional sport exhaust ($1000) also adds black tips on the exhaust. I also believe that the front fender is slight wider, I'm not so sure on that.


Interior: 9/10

I would call this interior a 10, but it doesn't truly stand out compared to its German rivals. Pull up any picture of a modern 5 series interior, S class or an A7. They're all gorgeous, but they aren't special, like that first taco you ever had, or after the first time you use baby wipes as an adult. The interior has carbon fiber additions, along with the RS shift knob. The leather all around the car is different, it's a lot softer compared to the A7. The RS sport seats are amazing, with the white diamond stitching, that alone transforms the car to another level. The support from the seats hold you in during tight turnings, I even find them more commutable than the standard A7 seat. There are optional "comfort seats" if you're of a larger build. The headliner is black unlike the grey in the A7, the door handles have a cut out for extra weight savings on your 4500lb+ sedan. Sorry, sedan coupe. (Who the fuck thought of that?)

Even the seats in the rear have more bolstering, so your grandchildren will be safe when you're chasing STI's on curvy roads in Suffolk County.


The best thing they did to this car was make the steering wheel smaller. It really improves the maneuverability when you're driving around Grand Central, cutting everyone off because you drive das auto.

Accelration: 10/10

Yes, I know the GTR is faster, along with many other cars. This thing, this super sedan of sorts, is still a fucking sedan. Have you seen this motherfucking trunk room? I can fit a whole lamb and groceries for Greek Easter! A full lamb! And take old lady Gill and her lesbian friend Carron to the mall at the same time, while I accelerate from rest, to 60 in 3.7 seconds. Well, here's the thing...what is the 0-60? Others might say 3.4, Audi says 3.7 and we all know Audi always underestimates...blah blah.


The time doesn't matter, it's fast. Fucking fast. Really fucking fast.

The Quattro system is one of the reasons you buy an Audi, it's great here as it is in another Audi. You can go up a snowy mountain, take the kids to school in the rain and race BRZ's all day. Truthfully, you can do all but one of those tasks with a modern minivan.


Braking 8/10:

These brakes are huge, did I mention they're pretty? Flower rotors, who'd thought? The huge black calipers with RS to remind you how cool you are, add to the look of the car, along with the fancy waveform rotors.

Those crazies at Quattro GMBH have greatly improved the typical Audi brake feel, but it just isn't quite there yet. The car stops amazing, as you might expect. A nerdy feature is the emergency braking systems, when you get off the throttle fast, the car yells at its self in German to build up maximum pressure in the brake lines for hard braking.


Ride 8/10:

This car does have the standard air suspension, even though it has the 20 inch wheels and only a 35 size sidewall tire, it rides quite nice.


Err, I'm not quite so sure what to say about it. It's soft? Not overly soft and bubbly? Some people like bubbly, like that chick you dated in college. Whom would giggle at everything you said, even when you were being completely serious. Bitch.

Even in Dynamic mode, the car is still comfortable. You can also raise the car, though it's a bit pointless for speed bumps since it takes a while. The car isn't that low that I'd actually worry about it.


Handling: 8/10

Are you just going to give everything an 8?

Perhaps I will. I was thinking about giving it a 7, but did I mention it's a 4500lb+ sedan? Sorry, sedan coupe. (I hate you)


Okay, so you put the car in Dynamic mode. The ride becomes harder, you gracefully take in turns at speeds you'd didn't think were possible in this car. The stability control is there, but it doesn't interfere as much as you'd except it to. Yes, you can feel the inner wheel braking sometimes, but it helps with your line, thus you shouldn't mind.

Body roll is there, but it still doesn't feel like its size. The weight swims around sometimes, but it still has agility.

Did I mention this car oversteers? Yes, it has Quattro and the four rings in the front, so of course it has understeer. I don't find that it likes to oversteer. No, I wouldn't call it an Audi that drifts, but you can tell they are really trying to balance the car out. They still have a long way to go, but this car is still fun to toss around, even with its air suspension and being a 4500lb+ sedan. Sorry, sedan coupe. (Bastards)


Gearbox: 9/10

It's a ZF 8 speed, everyone knows they're good. It's fast when need be or even when you don't need it to be. Very comfortable. Though I do notice sometimes you can get a hard downshift from 2nd gear, though no one has noticed except me.


It's a clever gearbox, sometimes it'll shift early at the right torque points to give you more power, depending on the situation. Okay, it's not the DCT, but it's fast enough for this car and is a perfect match. The paddles feel good, though shifting through the shifter feel is okay.

This car would be odd with a manual. It just wouldn't go, sure it handles nicely and slamming it into 2nd gear would be amazing. Still, no one would buy it. The ZF 8 speed is perfect here and even you stick shift lovers know it.


Toys 8/10 (9/10 for cars with optional toys)

The car doesn't have the night vision camera or the smart cruise control system. My father isn't that technically inclined for any of it, so it just seems stupid to him. I mean, if the sun bolted its self out of the sky, then perhaps that night vision would be useful or to hunt vampires.

It does have the Wifi hotspot (Audi Connect) , which is standard. It's free for the first 6 months. The 3G is pretty fast, I've always find phones slow on the internet, so that's not my department. The Google earth is really cool, it's extremely exact as well. Being able to look up locations online through the Nav is a nice luxury feature. Navigation is amazing, current traffic, clear and concise directions, though you have to remove the "advertisements" or you'll just get confused with it.


You can mess with individual settings for the car, have automatic windshield wipers, keyless entry, pushbutton start, easy entry, etc. The list goes on with the MMI system.

Audi: 8/10

The B&O system ($5900) is amazing sounding after a few tweaks it does sound really good with CD's and MP3 files. It has a much more fuller sound then the standard Bose system, which is okay at best. The clarity is greatly improved, along with the treble, which the Bose system heavily lacked. It sounds okay with the radio, but that is expected. Is it worth the price? Perhaps. You do get the awesome looking tweeters that pop up every time you start the car, it defiantly grabs attention.


The exhaust is selling a point, in comfort mode is it quite, though on start up it'll make some noise. Dynamic mode is where it's at! Start up sounds like the bowels of hell, cursing around town you'll get little backfires and it's just an orgasm. Sport exhaust is a must on this car, I can't imagine why you wouldn't get it. And yes, it does backfire on downshifts. It's intoxicating, it's simply fun driving around 30MPH with the windows down, stopping to hear the car rumble through the gears.

Value: 8/10

Base price is $104,900. That's a lot of Miatas and V6 Mustangs. I do find it to be worth it, it's such a fun car. People would argue how can AWD and a twin turbo V8 be fun like a Scion FRS or a Miata? It's simply a different experience, there's things I enjoy in this car that I don't really do in others. It can be a quiet and mannered luxury car to a screaming maniacal German in a matter of seconds.


The character of this car is the best thing, it's laughing at its self, constantly. All it wants to do is make you happy. It doesn't need the best lap time or be able to beat a GTR. At its core, it's still a luxury sedan, but this car remains more than just that, it's insanity wearing a suit and LEDs.

Finis Operis

Total score: 85/100

Dimitri (signintoburnerlol) is a car enthusiast, lover of women and collector of fine vinyl specimens. Personally drives a Scion FRS (AUTOMATIC) and is currently pestering a dear friend to go pick up their Z31 300ZX. When will they pick it up? Who the fuck knows. But expect another review when they do!


If any questions persist, or if you just don't like my writing style, send an email to papazoglou6@aol.com.