Just a slight rustle of a bed sheet, rolling over for comfort, “Meow?...Meow! MeowMeow!” says our cat, jumping off the chair in the corner of the room. It’s 4:59am. We have had him for a year now. He’s 4. He’s an asshole.

I shouldn’t be that critical of him, to be honest. This really comes down to the hierarchy of needs, animal nature, feline pack must-haves. Where our cat wakes us up, he does not jump on the bed to do so and stays exactly one pico-atom width away from finger contact, meowing. A year of this. I humored him once and followed him out of the door. He was in a hurry . . . to make me watch him eat. He will also walk in to the bathroom with you and meow and circle while you do your business in the middle of the night, waking up the significant (-ly pissed off) other as well.

I intranetted things and am now smarted enough to know more than everyone else. I learned a cat needs to feel safe during critical parts of life. Eating and going to the bathroom are vulnerable times for any. What if someone attacked you at breakfast all by yourself half way through that glorious pop-tart? Well, you’re not ready for that. What about if your on the can, poopin’ good? You’re not ready for an attack then either. When we are awake and around he is not bothering us for these things but asleep? Quiet house? I think he is on alert for any attackers, just like any animal would be in the middle of the night - half asleep. waiting.

So it all boils down to him missing something that a pack animal usually has, and this has us probably getting a second cat for him to feel safe with. someone to watch guard and maintain safety while they alternately eat and whatever else. Some cats need a friend and this may be one of those cases. Now to find a friend for him that’s younger and female, or else we start an alpha-battle.

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Any Cat shrinks in the house care to comment? Good plan? Because although the internet has made me smarter than any mortal, Internet law requires me to validate my doings with every possible social media outlet.

Now watch the second cat do the same thing and doubly piss us off.