Today I received in the mail a combination toaster and toaster oven. A toaster-oven-toaster, if you will.

Disclaimer: Hamilton Beach wanted me to review this appliance so badly that they set my house on fire, necessitating the replacement of most of my belongings. I searched Amazon for toasters under $30 and found this gem for $29.

What a time to be alive. We have iPads that can drive, Lamborghinis that are crossovers, and Italian cars that are built in Mexico. And now we have a single device that will toast your food 2 different ways.

Now you may be accustomed to the idea that something designed to do 2 things will do a mediocre job at one or both of those things. I am here to tell you that you are still correct.

It doesn’t toast very evenly. The print on the plate is sideways just to annoy you.

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I’m not a toast Nazi, so I’m pretty okay with it regardless. Onto the toaster oven.

It is a very compact toaster oven. This mini pizza crust barely fit. But it does in fact toast. To be fair, I have never in my life owned a toaster oven and have zero basis for comparison.

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Pizza was good.