Thanks to everyone for playing my stupid game, if you haven’t yet and still want to without having the surprise ruined click the link instead of opening this post. For those who continue to not care about such silly things have been dying to know, your answers are below.


#1. 2016 Honda Pilot EX-L AWD - People are heavy, like properly heavy, so to make sure the Pilot can actually handle 7 of them and still tow anything it needs to be stronk, how stronk? in this trim, 1812 lbs. That’s many Stronk.



2. 2016 BMW X5 M - Germans. What can you say? They love engineering and the bonkers X5 M is proof, because even though it hauls ass, it can haul 1531 lbs too.

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#3. 2016 Ram 1500 3.0 ecodiesel outdoorsman 4x4 quad cab short 6’4” bed - Pickup trucks are for utility and work and no one uses them just to put around town...right? Ram figured out a while ago that this is...less than true...and catered their light duty trucks to match. The result is a creamy riding luxury vehicle that also has a bed sadly it also means that with the heavy diesel engine and 4 wheel drive, this ram can only take 1241 lbs along for the ride. That being said it can still tow 7600 lbs, so that’s something.

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4. 2016 Subaru Forester XT - The old favorite fast cute ute has gotten less interesting over the years including less speed, less manual and less capability (towing is 1500 lbs) but at 1028 lbs it can still carry more than the looser on this list!

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#5. 2016 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited Rubicon with hardtop

Coming in last place is the car with the toughest personality yet the smallest...payload. 891 lbs is what’s listed as the max payload of a Jeep wrangler unlimited Rubicon, and when you factor in that the hardtop weighs between 100-150 lbs (no reliable info so we’ll settle on 125) that leaves you 766 lbs payload before lightbars and decepticon stickers. Basically if you are putting 5 people in they had better be small...and pack light.

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So there you have it? Proof that, um...cars do stuff? Wait no, that you can’t judge a book by its cover.