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Panic! At the park (kinda pointless photodump)

Yes I was wearing a facemask.

Formula 1 cars don’t have threaded tires, you know. So technically I have more grip.
Formula 1 cars don’t have threaded tires, you know. So technically I have more grip.
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I was kicked out of the city park by a cop in a matte grey Ninja 600. My argument: the mayoress said it opened this week. His argument: just go away, flaco.

I ought to note that I passed dozens of cops (and park dwellers) without issue on the circuit three times but whatever, trouble I can go without.

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So I went to a place full of deviants, where my antisocial behavior would be tolerated. A place full of people in favor of rent controls and against capital gains taxes: La Condesa. The epitome of this champaign socialist neighborhood: Avenida Amsterdam. A 1.5-ish mile circuit with some of the trendiest brunch places and plus-21 nightclubs in town.

Condesa: The place that thinks it’s like Harlem, but it’s actually like the ugly Kushner developments in Dumbo.
Condesa: The place that thinks it’s like Harlem, but it’s actually like the ugly Kushner developments in Dumbo.
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Condesa is the perfect place to treat my Cyclist Under Neurotic Turmoil (CUNT) disease, because streets are narrow and cars can’t really get back at you if you act like a cunt. So, in the course of a few minutes I:

1. Ran several red lights, which is legal for cyclists here
2. Went counterflow on a road, which is also legal for cyclists here
3. Used a pedestrian path while on top of the bicycle, which is also legal for cyclists here
4. Purposely almost got into an accident with a motorist to show them whose boss, which is something I can do in this neighborhood because everyone is filming accidents and the police are pressured to arrest people who mess with cyclists because we’re somehow an endangered species that must be protected and kept in a perfect environment to breed. Something to do with traffic and the perception of “wokeness” of heavily tourist-ified neighborhoods.

The only other treatment for cunt is posting Crossfit routines online.

Illustration for article titled Panic! At the park (kinda pointless photodump)
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Nonetheless, I grew bored of the shorter circuit and emigrated to the Porfirian La Roma neighborhood. The picture above was taken at Rio de Janeiro plaza, the picture below at Luis Cabrera plaza, which has a very nice looking, small university I have never heard of.

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Of which I took a terrible picture.

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But Roma has lower property taxes than Condesa, and as a consequence the roads are filled with pot-holes that hurt my bum-bum. So I exiled myself of that godforsaken neighborhood, the border marked by this fancy looking white building next to a gas station.

Illustration for article titled Panic! At the park (kinda pointless photodump)
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Finally back in Condesa, I crossed straight through parque Mexico, which I don’t recall ever closing really.

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But I swiftly left knowing the true place to go for semi-decent roads is Polanco. So I went under Paseo de la Reforma and crossed into Anzures; a somewhat irrelevant residential neighborhood.

The biggest difference between the neighborhood to the right, and the neighborhood to the left, is the density of sex workers per square kilometer.
The biggest difference between the neighborhood to the right, and the neighborhood to the left, is the density of sex workers per square kilometer.
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Except for this building, which was designed using Minecraft, I guess.

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Finally, Mariano Escobedo, the avenue dividing Anzures and Polanco

The biggest difference between the neighborhood to the right and the neighborhood to the left is that one believes rent controls should be instated, and the other one believes there should be a subsidy for gentrificating construction proyects
The biggest difference between the neighborhood to the right and the neighborhood to the left is that one believes rent controls should be instated, and the other one believes there should be a subsidy for gentrificating construction proyects
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And so, Mazaryk street, one paved (?) With concrete rather than asphalt. Of course, the namesake of the street is President Mazaryk of Checoslovaquia.

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Finally, Lincoln Park, which did close and continues to be so. Here we have a statue of Abraham Lincoln

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Facing a statue of Martin Luther King Jr that now has a Covid-19 banner in front of it.

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So, those were 30K, just under 20 miles I believe.

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And I averaged 16 mph. Best split was between km2 and km3 at 24mph respectively. Peak speed was 29mph... Which is near the speed limit...

I stopped the workout at a restaurant which calls itself an “elite steak house” because I don’t want the internet to know my exact address.

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Illustration for article titled Panic! At the park (kinda pointless photodump)

But who knows, maybe I do live at an elite steak house.

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