What is the sound of one piston slapping?
What is the sound of one piston slapping?
Illustration for article titled Parking Enforcement - Incident #2

It would appear that the Phoenix branch is in the midst of an epidemic outbreak of what is commonly referred to by medical and legal experts as “Your Parking Rules Are For Plebes and Poor People – itis”. I am not sure that such a dire situation is actually even within the purview if The Council, as it is definitely meeting the criteria for a Centers for Disease Control Level Two Pandemic Outbreak. This sort of reckless abandonment of respect for the rules and laws that separate humans from apes and savages is surely the clearest indicator yet that we are approaching The End Times, as prophesied in Revelations 13:34, “and the winged serpent commanded his army to park their cars within forbidden spaces, and there was great gnashing of teeth and rending of garments throughout the industry”… The owner of this two-wheel drive station wagon masquerading as an off-road capable machine is quite visibly some sort of third level demonic entity with poor fashion sense and a willingness to display it. I know I’m not a member of The Council yet, but I assure you that I have great respect and admiration for those who have been chosen to sit upon those big ol’ chairs in the Chamber of Parking Management. It is purely out of respect for your great power and reach that I submit this infraction to you all for rectification or retribution, however you may vote to address this scofflaw…


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