I have a few rules I follow in life. One of them is that your finances are no one’s business. What I make, what I do, what I get paid, are not topics of discussion. Nor do I burden other people with my financial “insight” unsolicited. I am also supportive of other people’s decisions, even if I may not agree.

Real life example: “Hey I got a new car!” “Oh cool man, what is it?” “A Discovery II I got at a car lot on [shady street] for only [heavily depreciated price]!” “*Screams NOOOO internally* Nice!” By the way his engine blew up 3 months later. But still!

Anyway, my wife is ecstatic about her new Vibe. Her one-owner, low miles, and expensive, 2008 fully loaded Vibe (except it has steelies). She has in the last day been bombarded with idiotic input. The first question is, “A what? ‘Pontiac??’ They don’t even make cars anymore!” The next is how much. Then comes the wave of, “You should have bought this/you should have paid this/oh they don’t make those any more that’s a bad idea.” Motherfucker most of the cars on the road aren’t made anymore. You can’t take the headlight assembly off of a ‘87 Corolla from pick and pull and put it on your ‘14 Corolla because they have the same name. Then came her best friend who is a Ford slave. She only owns Fords. She hates imports because possibly racist. So of course she had to chime in.

Then, THEN, came the coworker who assumes she, and by virtue I, know nothing about cars. He told her she shouldn’t buy the Vibe. My wife responded that it’s effectively a rebadged matrix with a sportier looking body because PONTIAC. He then said that she didn’t know what she was talking about. Hah, I hope he cried when he went home and spent six seconds on google and found out my wife knew more about a car than he did. Then the next day, he told her we wouldn’t be able to find parts and we paid too much. She told him not to talk for the rest of the night. He complied.

I’m annoyed in several ways. One, some her friends are not being supportive of the fact that she finally owns a nice car! Two, everyone thinks they’re a car guru. Three, they’re saying things to her that if I were around they probably wouldn’t bring up, so does that mean they think I’m an idiot (because I did do all the research and buying and such)? It’s not like my wife is strutting around boasting a new S-Class. We bought a fucking used Pontiac.


What’s funny is that we’re the couple that bought a house, financed for improvements, had money left over for a car about 6 months sooner than we even planned, all in the same calender year. So if I ever want your input on cars, money, or value, you can fill out a form and shove it straight up your assholes and the shit that smears across your ink will have about as much value as the uninformed opinion you scribbled down.