Personal space rant

Illustration for article titled Personal space rant

Unrelated floating stairway

Have you ever thought to yourself, “gee, I would LOVE IT if a sixteen year old girl I’ve never talked to approached me in the middle of wrenching and proceeded to unload all of her relationship drama including but not limited to, her boyfriend’s DUI’s, court appearances, and sex offender status? While progressively moving closer and closer to your car, until you can smell the overwhelmingly awful miasma that’s radiating off of her in some cruel imitation of perfume? Oh, and apparently she’s “ready to be a mama, but maybe not with him, because her other men treat her right too. But it still might be love.” how do I know that? She shouted it—and again, she’s RIGHT NEXT TO ME—loud enough for the entire condominium to hear. I was honestly hoping to see flames billowing out of my window so I could jump up and rush out of her presence. But then I wouldn’t have felt safe with her standing by my car... I’ve never felt such a “if you turn around I’ll steal yo’ shit” vibe in my life.


After hearing about her love life—to which I offered one, maybe two indecipherable grunts while I pointedly continued working—she jumped straight to offering me sexual favors with the promise that “its legal even though I’m underage. Just don’t tell MA MAN CUZ HE CRAZYYYY”. Jesus christ leave me the fuck alone. If I want batshit insane I’ve got no problem going looking for it myself.

I’m generally polite in person and hate being involved in confrontations, so this is pretty close to my perfect nightmare scenario. She stayed and listened to her own droning voice for thirty minutes before finally leaving me in blessed peace to go catch the bus home. And now it’s almost dark. No more wrenching today...


Oh and I just realized that her boyfriend is the child molester who moved into my condo a few months ago. That’s gotta be a violation of something.

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