My evaluation... I received extremely positive feedback from my boss. It was probably not even a minute of his thoughts (goals, last year’s eval, feedback, etc.) then as always he kicks it to me: “What do you want to talk about?”
Here’s my opportunity to turn over a leaf. To say everything’s great and I want to continue to improve. To keep my mouth shut and be a company man.
Naturally, I did the opposite.
I told him my frustrations with the coworkers who are perpetually enabled assholes and the rest of us are expected to grin and bear, because “that’s just how they are.” I shared my displeasure with increased responsibilities and hours while earning less. I told him when I design or sell anything, my faith the job will go smoothly is the lowest it’s ever been. I’ve worked here almost a decade. My eyes do not deceive me.
When that was all over, he looked like someone had ran over his dog. I usually slather my criticisms with little sprinkles of positivity. But this was all just... Just the truth about 2019. I almost... Almost... Feel bad. He’s been feeling the challenges of this year as hard as anyone else. He’s an effective leader.
But he leads but one department, and for no good reason, inter-department “synergy” is often terrible which makes the company grossly inefficient. Ultimately, the client suffers. Then subsequently, the company as a whole. The building is plagued with people who don’t see the big picture. I bet if they had to look a customer right in the face like I do every day, they might care a little more.
I don’t know what the endgame is for me here. The job affords me my partial sunset views and expensive-to-maintain Paseo wagons. It’s a good gig. It has numerous perks that are difficult to replicate, especially after as long I’ve worked there. But there is so little I ultimately control, and I don’t feel there’s many people I can depend on there who are in incredibly vital positions that dictate the success of my jobs and health of my accounts.
I’m not feeling great about 2020... I don’t want to, but it’s getting closer and closer to considering a career beyond male escorting.
Thanks for reading.